>> 20041225
9:19 PM
ho... yesterday- christmas eve... today- christmas! haha, hohoho, merry christmas everybody... y, i m a hypocrite again, for appearin so carefree... but i m not... yesterday was rather a bad day for me, though those with me will think nth much abt it... actually, its me, my personal problems... cant blame anyone... first the problem was my mother, then at night was my bad stomach, and in the morning oso my stomach... i acted alrite, but i think i cant hide my feelings... freaking hell, i dunno how to be myself, dunno where to be at the rite time... i wish i could disappear and escape from the times i needed to, but my frenz were juz concern abt me... i was agonised, helpless, and for many momments i felt as in i was in a vacume with no one around me...
anyway, to cut a long story short, it involves 2 guy and a ger... i guy is me, another guy is my fren, so is the her... and wad senerio can one tink of abt this??? i m lazy to explain, one word- jealousy... guessed now u all noe where the problem lies and wad it revolves, and why too... tell me, should i give up??? im hopeless... if u do not like me juz say so... haiz, tats the conclusion... (to her)u noe, yesterday when i went away but said i was walking around, i wasnt... actually, i was sitting at a playground tinking... i said walking around gives me inspiration, actually i was tinking wad to write for u in ya card... my feelings werent very good at tat time if u can feel so, yea, and i wrote sth like tat in ya card...
dear so and so. well then, here's my last minute card to you. my apologies. nothin much to say here, so just wish u a merry merry christmas and may all your wishes come true. anyway, i've been feeling down lately so dont bother abt me, wadever i do wadever i said...
needless to sau, i'm HOPELESS, USELESS, BORING, GOOD FOR NOTHIN LOSER. i'm probably juz a spit of dust in your eyes. even now, i have to curse myself for being so pathetic, for allowing insects to crawl all over me and feasting on me while i write this. i'm desperate, but i'm at my wits end...
you'll like someone else somehow or rathe. but it just wouldn't work for me. so to wish u a merry merry christmas, i rid u of your troubles by making myself scarse. enjoy the much more pleasent company of your better friends and forget the miser, the loser, the helpless jealous guy writing this letter... signoff derrick
so tat was the card... i felt like juz passing it to u then and leave, but i didnt, i couldnt bare to... i guessed its pointless giving u the card now, or never will i ever give u this letter... its not worth it huh... to betray friendship for love... i'll rather carve a good impression on u and leave... writing this made me realise tat love is torturous... would u kindly release my pain by telling me something... at least tell me to give up... i m not influenced by eminem, its my own pleas... relieve me...