>> 20050819
7:05 PM
haven posted for so long, so long. its like ages, and this site seem officially dead. sigh. its the homeworks and test i have recently that i have no time to come online, not even to msn messenger. been trying very hard to cope with this stress, to pull myself through this moment. when things seem so mind blowing, so petrifying, i m grateful there are weekends and the holidays are nearing. also, i m thankful to friends who see me through this tough period.
it seems, that distractions are inevitable. perhaps its the playful nature of guys that we arent able to give our most to anything however hard we try to psycho our ourselves to. perchance there would be perple who will walk into our life and guide us on. yet, on the other hand, there's always the devil friends, who evoke on our greatest desires and force us to surcum to temptations. sadly, i've always been a victim. but when im left alone peacefully to have the best conditions for studying, i complain its boring and im lonely. sigh. nothing seem too unpredictable nowadays. life is but a cycle, a routine. when will sth really happen? when will my life be changed?
i guess we cant ask for too much. everything lies in our own dear hands, we are what we do. if only we know how to adapt to this mentality whenever the time is ripe. under no supervision, we grow to become only adapted to the surroundings: we just grow up studying, having no other life. whereas when u have a vocation right from the start, when someone has hammered into u what u wanna be when u grow up, then things would be different. say, if u wanna be a farmer, u will start learning how to plant the seeds for a start; if u wanna be an atletics, u would work out to have the basic build. why am i saying this? coz by now, everything is almost fixed in place. not much can be altered. your life can only be taken one step at a time, for its too late to want to specialise in one area. how can a short or far sighted become a pilot? how can a fat and clumsy person become a good dancer? this may sound crap, but if we had known what we wanna be early, life would be more meaningful. now, as i said, its only counting the steps. boring. what does it take for u to know my feelings... wish i could change history, to save those agony and regrets. i dont wanna be hurt anymore.