frenz r tinkin abt ya

2009-11-21T21:14:00.003+08:00

so cold.. everything is so cold..
exams must have strip us of our sense of existence.
lose track of other callings in life.
it feels so numb.. so numb..

2009-11-05T01:16:00.002+08:00

i may not know why or how. i may not know what and when. but i do know how it feels when things dont work out for u.

and i can be ignorant. i can be too self centered. but when things go wrong, i deeply sympathesize with u.

i know u are strong. i know u are independent. but i know u are also human.

we all need help sometimes. whatever the reason. whenever the occasion. i will back u up when u fall. and i will stay with u through it all.

is it about what happened yesterday at the club house? phone bills? love bites?

ps. hope u can get some rest and forget about it. not worth it remembering unhappy stuff. they say the trick to being happy in life is to remember less and forget more. perhaps its true. just get over it soon and look forward to a new day lor. wish i could be by your side, love.

2009-11-02T17:23:00.002+08:00

although it started badly, the weekend ended quite well. thrashed out some things. hope she doesnt hate me. anyhow, i sure enjoyed her company and impromptu movie date, and the kisses and hugs too. enough sweetness in them to last a few days. =) movie was nice, quite funny and entertaining. she was nicer though, love cuddling her in the cinema. i will rem what we talked about. hope to see her soon, and till then i will be missing her.

2009-11-02T00:43:00.002+08:00

learnt a lesson from someone today.

she says the society is very competitive. we youngster/guys have no time to waste now if not its gonna be very tough in future. i guess thats damn true. but she also said something, something that i wouldnt know if no one told me. something that reminded me of this thought i once had which i wish i could think not of.
and just for the record. no one likes a horny desperate insecure bastard.

2009-10-09T03:39:00.005+08:00

wheneven friction sparks. whenever u get burn. whenever it hurts.

these whenever seem to come so often now its as though i've become a tactless and uncool dude.

nights spent thinking and pondering. tracks of our fav songs played one after another. my heart sinks deeper and deeper...

how is it like slashing yourself again and again, the same spot, the same wound. just when its about to heal, fresh blood ooze, blood that is angry and reckless.

cleaning up the wound each time, its the same stains, its the same mess. how all this is stupid, i clearly see. yet how poorly its mediated, it staggers me.

love gives people strength. love gives people joy. love is sweetness in the highest form. yet when love turns its back on u, it is all bittersweet.

although we haven come to a solution yet, i hope we would, heres a song for both of us. i think it means alot. to my love, J piggy.

I'm trying not to think about
All the things you did before,
But sometimes it all just gets to me.
I can't take it anymore.
I'll stay with you,
But remember to
Be careful what you do,
Cause I'm not bulletproof.

2009-10-06T22:35:00.003+08:00

5 more weeks! urgh... im sorry,
i spoil everything for us, but i still hold on to our love, jane.

2009-09-21T17:52:00.002+08:00

in the army now. not really coping well...

its seriously hard. have like no mood to get anything done now. i know i gotta study for As. it is important and i cant afford to screw it up again this time round. but things are just not going very smoothly and its affecting me alot.

see, the thing is, im only able to come out on weekends. and i try as much as possible to spend that time doing things i wanna do, be with people i wanna be with. and however much i try and try and try, its alr starting to wear me out, im not getting wad i wanna do done, and not spending the time with the people i wanna spend time with.

maybe im thinking too much. its all so massive and surreal, clouding and blurring my focal point which is my A levels this year. find it increasingly hard to concentrate. thinking back when i was so motivated, it was perhaps due to the strong support i got. but i dont have that kinda support now. maybe i should stop procrastinating.

study study study.
i miss her. want some attention from her.
mug mug mug.
i talk to her. shes cold and hostile.
prioritise prioritise prioritise.
i ask to meet her. shes committed to other people.
oh well. thats my life.

2009-03-07T03:15:00.003+08:00

dear readers.

today, march 6th 2009, the day A level results came out for us, was as dramatic for me as it could have been.

about 4 months ago, in the midst of sitting for A levels, i thought my result gotta be crap, at most all Cs for my H2 subjects. at that time though, i didnt really think much about the implications of that assumed result. then, my thought was as long as i tried my best, there should be no regrets.

but today, when i got my results, my three H2 subjects were CCD, and at this moment i thought, where can this land me in. its even difficult to get into the least competitive engineering courses. correction, people actually tell me its impossible. so then it seems, its G_G for me. at first i thought i wasnt gonna be affected by it cause i had already expected this kinda results. thought there ought to be a way out of this. but as relatives and parents and friends ask abt my result, followed by the m$ question "so what are u gonna do", it just destroyed me. the feeling gets worse each time someone ask that question, knowing that i have faint chances of going to a uni. i could blame on squash, i could blame on other people, but ultimately, i myself am the biggest sucker of all, for not being able to cope and deal with my own life, manage my own time and practise discipline.

i did try to mug my ass off the period after prelims. i only managed to pass one subject for prelims which was really a wake up call. but however i tried, time and expertises werent on my side. i only managed to get the following results.

H1 GP ... D
H1 Bio ... B
H2 Maths ... C
H2 Econs ... C
H2 Physics ... D

although there seem quite an significant improvement, this way of thinking is merely nothing more but a self-deceiving one. if i had worked harder or started earlier, its definitely possible for better grades. to have your life torn apart just because a little more time and a little more effort had not been put in and a little too bochap attitude, really really cant suck more than anything else.

at this juncture, i have to apply for uni admission just like everyone else, but also apply to resit for the 2009 A levels. if somehow i manage to be accepted into a uni, i will be refunded for my application to resit for A levels. if i do not get accepted into any uni, i have a few options.

A) try to re-admit into acjc and take A levels again in 2009. have to defer NS asap.
B) resit for A levels in 2009 as private candidate. will down PES immediately to have more time to study.
C) go to poly after serving army, but i will down PES anyway, so might as well just resit for A levels in 2009 for a try.

i will not consider other options for now. but if, friends, yall have some good suggestions or recommendations i will be glad to hear them.

the next phase of my life, will very much be determined by determination itself and discipline as well. so its high time i get down to cultivating as much of them as possible, and hopefully i get to see some light at the end of the passageway.

2009-02-04T23:33:00.002+08:00

today something retarded happened, on me. well i was going to collect my squash racket at bt timah plaza, but when i reach there about 2030 it was closed. so i said...

me: shit that stupid shop closed already. damn.
jane: where? which shop?
(i pointed across the shopping mall to that sports shop)
me: let me go check what time its open tomorrow...

at that moment some lady beside us looked at me and ask if i was restringing my racket or collecting it. at first i was kinda surprise, so i said "um... collecting". so the lady started walking towards that sports shop and thats when i realize she was the lady boss. lol. guess she overheard me calling the shop the "stupid shop". so malu can. and to think she was so nice and open the shop again just for me. and jane just started laughing herself. had to poke her to make her stop laughing. dang.

2009-01-01T12:44:00.002+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!! =D

i am kinda lazy to blog, but the new year started quite well i guess. lol. watched YES MAN yesterday with shawn ophelia cheng and aly... dang i felt like some extra cause they were all paired up. lol. anyway the show was awesome man. hilarious shit. =) mm oh and HBO showed pretty good movie nearing the new year too... like TRANSFORMERS and SPIDERMAN 3. quite nice to watch it over again. man that transformers babe so hot la. =\ speaking of hot babes... i think SINGAPORE HAS NONE. fucked up. hahaha. ok chill, im not dying to see hot babes or wad. lol..

oh then after the movie yesterday. we had late dinner and rushed down to marina to catch the fireworks. it was amazing and cool. especially the finalle part where everything just explodes stimultaneously in front of your bloody face. and the explosion is echoed back by the CBD buildings in the area, which makes it even more shiok. lol. sex man, everyone was like high and screaming and cheering. oh hey, anyone heard me scream before? cause i did again yesterday. to imitate some stupid girl who was screaming away. hahahahahaha. i know i was just high can... lol cheng and shawn who was with me swore they didnt know me. dang.

we hung out for awhile after that. our legs were aching from all the walking. but we still walked from marina to ps... lol. oh and we climbed walls, sort of like spiderman kinda thing u know. cool right. =) if we had clumbed some pipe which shawn wanted to, i bet ppl would have videoed us and put on utube or sth alr. lol. hm yeah then went parklane there for dessert. we left after that cause we couldnt decide what to do and were all quite tired too. lol. and guess wad. i ran from parklane to summerset because the bus i had to take only stops there... NR3. i figured that since i was already so tired, legs dying and all, i might as well run to shorten the pain u know? lol. yeah but it was cool running in town at night. policeman were heavy on the patrols so it was quite safe to hang out yesterday actually.

anyway. the bus drivers in singapore suck big time too. kuku one. there were like so many ppl waiting for the damn bus, and the bus driver refused to stop just cause he felt the bus was abit crowded, which wasnt at all. wtf right. might as well dont work if u only wanna do half the work. so i had to wait for the second bus, which took fucking ages to come. and i was smart to rush up the back door when it opened cause the front just had no way to go up. lol and the driver was trying to shut the back door fast and it almost slammed me but it didnt else i would just fucked him right there. anyway, as i was saying, isnt it fucked up when so many ppl are waiting and the driver just cant be fucking flexible abit and let ppl board from the back door. its the new year man, make it difficult for so many ppl, is that what they are paid to do? then i think might as well pay me? i think i can do a good job making life miserable for ppl too. hahaha. fuck yall bus drivers!!! holy pricks.

oh well. but i guess the new year still started in quite a style. the only thing, man how do i say this, no it isnt the new school term or homework undone BECAUSE I FUCKING NO MORE SCHOOL WOOTS =D, hm well, nvm it, i shallnt say. haha. oh and my new year's resolution. i gotta be more positive man. too much negativity hasnt done me much good in the past year or 2. well, peace out everyone. =)

2008-11-21T23:00:00.002+08:00

ahh... A levels over dude. how time flies. gonna be an adult soon, gotta have to be independent and self sufficient alr. no more fooling around, no more adolescence days, no more the sheltered life. but one thing shall always remain... my friends.

to all friends who walked this long journey with me... thanks loads. studying days are tough, but because of yall, they were fun too, not to mention memorable.

and speaking of memories... there were good ones and bad ones, and those of my ex. i will keep them with me as long as i can possible. i think u need not feel apologetic towards me, and i will not too. i will have u as my friend always. u should move on and experience all the wonders of life, and dont get restricted by this chapter. it was hard for me at first too. but all i wanna say to u now is, be happy, not for me, but for yourself. friends forever.

i dunno if im cursed or wad. screwing things up big time seem my forte. really wanna apologize to alvin here for doing him much evil and wrong. but at this point there is pretty much nothing left to say except that i am serious about her. sorry for the mess i caused.

2008-11-09T23:55:00.005+08:00

22 sept did us apart.

my thoughts now...

shouldbehappyforher. whycantletgo. sheknowswhatshesdoingdoesntshe. idontknowwhybutifshehasnttoldmeheisexperiencedimightnothavefeltthissad. itslikeyoulosesomethingyousharewithsomeonesocloseforsolong. iwanthertobehappybutidontwanthertobehurt. iknowitsalittletooparanoidofmebuticanttrusthimnottohurther. whyamisopossessive. havenorighttointerfereinherlifeanymorehavingbrokenherheart. butitssadthingsendedthisway. icantbemoresorryforshatteringherperfectlife. andihavenoonetosharethiswith. icanttelljanecausewedonthavesuchdeepconnectionyet. shesanothermasterpieceidontwanttoruin. ihavecausedtoomuchtearstofallidontwantmoretobeshed. itriedtobeagoodboyfriend. didntknowileftsuchascaronherthatshehastothrowallmystuffawaysoasnottoberemindedofthatscar. ireallycantscrewthingsupworsethanthis. iamremindedofhereverynowandthenanditmakesmeloseallmyrationalityandbearingscompletely. howisshenow. arewestilltruefriends. amijustamemoryyouwouldhaveerased.
i cant really thank you more for always being there for me. you are my strength and my best friend. ymms too.

2008-10-15T22:26:00.003+08:00

If Tomorrow Never Comes - Ronan Keating

Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and
lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them
never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance
to tell her how I feel

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes

this song just came to my mind, as i was thinking abt the past year... though we are no longer together, i wish u well and hope u get on with life as fine. all the best.

2008-10-08T21:38:00.004+08:00

screw exams big time.

still the same every day and every night. mugging and then sleeping. ok, not so much sleeping but more of being overcome by fatigue and stress, and other sentiments. think im somewhat too sentimental also, how am i gonna embrace the world in the future. its probably gonna be much darker and rougher as it goes by, but im sure glad to have made some really nice friends to stand by it all, and look back at those carefree adolescent years together..

theres also quite alot going through my mind now. maybe its just part of growing up, finding your own identity, but until u truely do u will still feel the insecurity. that is why we are all social creatures arent we, to interact and share worries and woes with each other, and of course the joy and blessings too.

**wish someone would hold my hands and take me on a walk in the rain**wish life was only that pure and innocent**wish there would never have to be a goodbye to anything**

its hard to find someone u are comfortable with. she is one. but i put my money that she wouldnt like me, cause to her im probably not the right one, not the one in shining armor always there to protect her, not the one with many surprises and tricks and jokes to make the sun come out in the rain... can only be the one watching out for her enviously from afar...

**wishing upon a miracle and a falling star**

2008-10-03T23:35:00.002+08:00

about a month to the start of A levels. either we do, or we die.

i thought of all the stuff that i could do after A's man. but thinking about it now isnt exactly gonna help. time seems to be sprinting away already, as i stagger to catch up behind, breathless and weary. need to put my act together, like alvin said. A level is like the bomb man, fearsome and powerful. i never thought myself to actually panic about anything before... like getting into deep trouble with people and stuff dont even bother me as much. it is so different this time. if i screw up, no one is gonna take responsibility for me. shall not go into too much details, its not gonna help either. lol. very optimistically, i would say A level got kick. less optimistically, holy crap..

very tired. from all the studying. chocolates do fine, but i need other ways of relaxing. like playing sports maybe. or watching a movie.

oh, and it has been quite a rough week or 2 for me, apart from the studying. really dunno what i want. so complicated. sigh.

2008-09-27T00:25:00.002+08:00

everyone masks their true colours some point or another dont they. like some bitch fake pitiful and shed buckets of tears? what, expect us to offer her tissue paper? sadly, (it's really making me feel sad), there are such people around in our midst. maybe she should seek professional help or counsellings to help her manage her highly unstable emotional state? someone give her some money to see a psychologist? or someone just give her 2 slaps for me to fucking wake her idea up. gee. i can pretend she's just psycho with a few screws loose up her head, (if she has one), but its too intolerable to see her mess with other people who havent in any ways find fault with her. and a personal dispute doesnt exactly satisfy her, she prefers to take it to a higher level, to the higher authority. this is one big joke. to think her little childish play or act, which does seem rather convincing to the naked eyes, actually made some look back and reconsider her plight again. it makes no sense to me how she manage to pull off such dramatic scenes. watched too much series on the tv little baby? didnt your mama tell u not to learn things u see from the tv? oh, your mama as fucked up as u in the mind too? thats just sad. =(((

2008-09-23T21:46:00.003+08:00

it is sad.

i stoned for 10 plus minutes not knowing how to convey my thoughts. it feels so empty now, i am just sitting here thinking about what to think about. it certainly is as hard as it seemed easy.

it is weird.

sometimes i just wanna scream my lungs out to let people know my frustrations. yet sometimes i just wish to keep quiet and let the thought consume itself.

it is tormenting.

just like an infant, unwilling and unable to do without the mother's warmth and love. it is painful to let go something u hold so dear to u, but circumstances stand strongly against one's will.

it is relentless.

anger, unconstrained, complicate matters even more. forced to desperation, marked by the devil. now bound to penitence.

it is no more.

one time too many. so inexcusable the folly. with nothing can i repay, for the hurt i did yesterday. undeserving i must say, but i still love u anyway.

emo songs sound good now.
hate me - blue october
warmness on the soul - a7x

2008-09-14T01:01:00.003+08:00

word i can describe myself right now.

self-centered. i think everything revolves around myself and nothing will ever ever go wrong.

7 more weeks to the start of A level. i really dunno how im gonna pull it off. bad grades~demoralized~low esteem~chance to get into uni?~what kinda career i will hold?

why didnt i do damn thing earlier and not slack so much. where have i been all this while. have i only just come to existence.

maybe i can start planning my funeral now.

maybe not. that would be pathetic. i shall give it what i got for the next how many weeks or so.

2008-08-30T00:09:00.004+08:00

*headaches*

felt my head spinning out of control just now, as i was at paragon. it still is now. and i cant understand why. overworked perhaps? but highly unlikely. oh well.

been pretty confused lately. dunno what i should do or be doing. a part of me is dying to meet her, yet another part of me just restricts me from asking her out or ask her to ask for more freedom. a few weeks it has been. i feel like i no longer dare to ask her. it seemed to always end up in a stupid quarrel and someone has to make way. now, when i miss her, i felt helpless as well. i guess i dunno how to handle my emotions very well and i chose to escape, i think i had numbed myself to that feeling of missing her. sometimes i try to find other people to hang out with. i hope im not subconsciously trying to relish the feeling of being loved by someone by doing that. sometimes i try to find ways to keep my mind off her.

is it my fault this is happening? i really dunno what to do. it probably require a miracle to make things work right and smooth again. say whatever, i am unfeeling, i am indifferent, i am unloving, unromantic. but if the reverse is true, does it change anything? have i not done much for this relationship.

i know on the surface people see me as a careless guy, without worries, wondering soul, complete slacker. i seem pretty good at telling people not to be so serious, chill, dont emo and stuff. but how about myself. haha. i think i am one of the most emo person i know. dang.

back to the point. i do cherish this relationship, i did try to make things work. but now, i am tired. i need directions. desperate yet too coward to do anything. i need a rush. somebody, please dont cut me.

2008-05-06T21:49:00.002+08:00

this post is for my genny mei.

andy, although it doesnt sound very wise messing with a takewando black belt, dont you bully my beloved mei. keep your hands to yourself or jessica. im sure shes enough for you.

2008-03-30T03:14:00.002+08:00

hm, long time no post... how long has it been already. lol. life's a blast. its been plenty of training, socialising with people, and running from teachers. dont know how i could escape till now but i somehow managed to do it. mm, marvyn said i'm the champion, not in the good way of course, while wei arng is second. "he will skip lectuers and go for tutorials, but derrick skip classes and go for training..." lol. nvm that. i really should quit slacking and get down to some work. A levels this year. sigh.

last friday, which was 2 days ago, we played against acsi for squash. we lost 1-4... my game was bad. i felt i could do more though the final outcome would have been the same, just didnt want to think of anything except getting to the ball and hitting it. but i could have relax, and compose myself more and look at coach for reminders. well, here's one lesson learned. shall take things slowly from now.

yesterday, 29/3, acjc fun-o-rama. quite cool, quite happening, quite crowded, quite busy for us, and quite tiring. but above that, it was pretty fun. cheng and alvin came along. so did D. andy came for a short while with jes, then went home. dont know what they were up to. but nvm them. andy owes me money still, fancy asking me to treat him... jes wanted to pay for him i think, but i would never take her money. lol. didnt thought much of it at first, but from what i think of it now, i think its not that he doesnt want to pay. which guy doesnt want his pride. its just that he doesnt have money, (i know its embarrassing), but i think thats how it is? well, just an assumption here, no offence meant. im ok with donating another 10 bucks, after donating already so much to the school. =\

eh D, its naturally to be shy when u r in love with a person, at first. but try starting a conversation, get used to talking to each other and things will be fine ya. =) u have my support.

i dont know why im still up. partly waiting for my game to be downloaded =p and also to reflect upon stuff i guess. theresa has been really nice, trying hard to please and all, i really am very happy for that. but somehow, i just had to make her unhappy, sometimes through minor things, or something more major. its really terrible feeling to love someone so much, yet fail to keep her happy and mess things up. i've been thinking alot over the past 2 months or so, that if i love her so much, is it ok to give her up. i know it would not be for me if i do, but i dont want her to waste her happiness on someone not worth it. after all, it is hard to say where we'll go in time to come, whether our path runs together or whether we will *art, (i dont wanna mention that word cause its really saddening.). if it *ll e*ds here, will we get over it and be happy... life is pretty short, fate has brought us together, and i dont want to make a mistake that would leave a scar on both of us. hence i have waited. i am glad things are more stable now. let's be happy, for each other. ok? love (baby).

2007-12-23T20:30:00.000+08:00

hello.

slack. it has been the name of the game for the past year. this is bad. my results are terrible and my squash performances are poor. =\ hope to work harder next year. maybe i can work alongside with people so that we can motivate each other? =p

christmas is just 2 days away. there is so much in this season that i can hardly anticipate. been looking forward towards it for some time already. imagine the fun and merry making and all that stuff. all the gifts and happy wishes...

ever heard of the song "all i want for christmas is you"? it is so running through my whole body now. this christmas cant be a christmas without you...

maybe i just wish to see you badly. eh, yeah i know i cant expect too much. there are just too much concern for you by your parents, which isnt a bad thing. you know, knowing you have made me a much more cheerful and happy person. i am very grateful already.

you probably realize that i was emo the past few days and im really sorry. its just that there are many things going on in my mind. you know at times like these one like us cant help thinking about the most negative things possible. i couldnt tell you about it cause i feel bad... you tried means and ways to make my day and keep me happy, it is so absurd of me to be unsatisfied. what more, you are my dearest and i cannot say things which might hurt you. eh, yeah it cant always be about me. i dont want you worrying excessively.

just want you to be happy, to smile always... i will learn to be more sensitive and be less childish ok? =) it always make me feel better to think about all that we did together before. maybe sometime we can reminisce about them together.

filled with love. fuel the love. feel the love.

2007-07-28T00:44:00.000+08:00

a little superficial stuff...

haven been to the arcade for some good time. went yesterday. with baby and her sis charmain and alvin. ooo, i didnt spend a cent there. cause i was using charmain's card. played quite alot and used alot of her credits and felt quite bad. hehe. shes nice, unlike papa!

i realised house of the dead 4 wasnt just a mindless shooting game. haha. felt for myself how noob i was in tat. can hardly go pass stage 2 man. maybe i need more practice. baby owns in this, and drums too. but at least i do pretty well in racing games. hehe.

forgot to post about my stolen hp and wallet. oh well. was kinda long ago. lost not much money, but alot of pictures in my phone =( and all my contacts. but jade told me, there will be more to come, and it made me feel better. wats even better is i can rem some of my closest friends number. hehe. using a shitty wallet now (guess it doesnt matter cause im not rich anyway) and my sister's old phone. the battery life sucks. =.=

i never seem to be able to save money. am i over eating??? dang.

uh, my handphone bill was 170 bucks last month. dont think this month would be any better. hehe. but im not complaining cause i got a funny and flirty baby to chat with. ooo reminds me of the song sexy naughty bitchy. eh, baby's very sexy too! haha. she said she would dress more sexily for me next time, so people, be thy witness. ^^

the not so superficial stuff... =\

hm, guess i should be worried (but im not really worried) because i failed my terms. this part is suppose to be up there with those superficial stuff. lol. but some part of me knows i dont wanna screw up so i think i will keep this in my head and remind myself to buck up a little. so yeah.

also feeling kinda ding dang dong =S because baby also bust her phone bill, 2 months straight. last month was bad scolding enough, dunno what she went through this time. feel kinda sorry and guilty and sad too. T_T well, gotta do sth abt it.

maybe its what goes around comes around? baby takes joy in making me jealous, but... u know u love me baby,

I think I love you too...
I'm here to save you girl,
Come be in Teddy's world,
I wanna grow together,
Let's let our love unfurl.
You know you want me baby,
You know I want you too,
They call me Superman,
I'm here to rescue you,
I wanna save you girl,
come be in Teddy's world...

hehe. from the song superman by eminem. i understand baby likes the attention of other guys. im not jealous. even though i dont hear u say it, i know my chio and sexy baby still loves me. lalala. =D

dang. got a fat ego. i know. hehe.

last thing. wish for all my friends to take care. and sorry for pangseh-ing if i ever did. catch up some time soon and miss yall! woots.

GOOD CHARLOTTE

"March On"

Don't cry, open up your eyes and know
There's someone else out there that feels this way

I'm singing to you
Cause I know what you've been through and now
It's not so long ago I felt the same

Like soldiers, march on
If we can make it through tonight we'll see the sun
March on, march on

And I remember summer nights alone
Fireflies the only thing we own
Yeah, all we had were dreams of California
And I remember winters were so cold
Hunger was the only thing we know
And rock'n'roll dreamin' was what saved us

Like soldiers, march on
If we can make it through tonight we'll see the sun
March on, march on

Till we see the sun, march on, till we see the sun
Through the good times, through the bad times
Through the long days, through the hard nights
Keep on, till we see the sun

Like soldiers, march on
If we can make it through tonight we'll see the sun
March on, march on

Like soldiers, march on
If we can make it through tonight we'll see the sun
March on, march on

Even when there's no one there for you march on
Even when the days are long for you march on
And like soldiers, march on

2007-07-13T20:35:00.000+08:00

hey. i skipped sch today. =( wasnt planned or deliberate. just woke up and found myself very tired, so i continue sleeping. =P not my late night activities, it was training and my relatively long journey home.

when i woke up, i thought i would still head down to sch, but i saw baby's msg and saw the opportunity to go out with her since its friday and she ends sch early. and yup, manage to get her to meet me.

wenta jp to watch harry potter. i didnt find it that great, and didnt get some parts of the movie either. in the end, it all doesnt matter. cant rem much of the movie now too. but im glad i took from the movie XOs from my baby. hehe.

after that sent her home and went to sji to play some squash and catch up with coach gan. a few of us came back together also and it was really fun hanging out with them. miss those times when we were still in sji. coach is still crazy and funny. talked about our lives and alot about girls too. mhm. those guys talk. =)

if there are more days like this to come, i would gladly pon sch again and again. haha.

2007-07-02T23:37:00.000+08:00

wierd things happen.

1. genny mei! hows ur neighbour and childhood friend and lover??? still no contact, no nothing? =( so kuku la, sucha fine fine girl and he doesnt see it. he gotta be blind or sth, without even reading my "blinding" blog posts. oops no offence to ur lover. =p be strong yea. dont be angry with yourself or feel cheated or sth. u will find ur perfect guy someday. hehe.

2. i find myself more gossippy recently, especially with chin hao. should be a good things i suppose. i shouldnt hide beneath my 'emo, antisocial' shell, get a life and just be myself. dang. but i wanna stop being so shy also. dunno, hard to find myself a different me.

3. i actually thought of something in my solitude, that is its not what other people see u and how they treat u that matters. we should have some faith and trust in our friends put all those grudges away and life will be a whole lot better.

4. good friend andy. tsk tsk tsk. wierd thing is i never really thought he was a player until recently. HAHAHA. no offence. was thinking about it and talking abt it with chin too. how many girlfriends in 3 months? what, 3? lol. and a little nothing much, just things friends do yall do together? hm dunno where that came from.. maybe thats how u do things and people all got their own style so i shouldnt comment so much. woots, but i wont deny whats put right in front of my eyes. a girl lying on top of a guy (kinda like humping) and wont u just say thats shiok? lol.

5. i dunno how papa can say im mean to her when shes always the one bullying me. hahaha. admit to the im sick part, but im also nice k. =) yeah, wadever. lol. but i actually find she who bullies me ever so often, ever so proud of it, cool. dang.

6. wierdest thing. i haven died of jealousy cause of dear, but its probably a matter of time now. =p

2007-06-25T01:01:00.000+08:00

woah didnt know bold words look so obvious in my blog... random. =P

2007-06-21T22:55:00.000+08:00

this is some holiday i must say. lets recall things i did week by week shall we...
sorry mei, this is cheesy so u can skip it and just know i miss u! =)

first week was boring. found my time passing meaninglessly and terribly slowly. went training on monday and wednesday, which meant i had to wake up darn early. but it wont be me if i went on time. lol. got to sch an hr late on monday and 45mins on wednesday. suppose to go for training too on friday, but went for a camp. a venture (sth like scouts) camp. had to pay 50bucks for it and like another 60 for the uniform and stuff. but the camp was fun! didnt get much sleep but thats just how its supposed to be. managed to pass the 4 days with just 2 shower, though i think i really stink of sweat and rain and smoke from the cooking. from the first day at ubin, learnt how to make fire from leaves and nicole(twigs) and branches and bigger wood pieces. was fun blowing into the amber to get the flame ablaze, but it really hurts my eye. there was no clean water to drink so we collected rain water and purify it with the tablets to drink. it looked better than the tap water that we could get there which was orange coloured. =S at night, slept with the mozzies whenever we had the chance to(not that we wanted to, just kinda knocked out), and went for a quite memorable night walk. grace got lost somehow but we found out later that it was all planned. then the solo trail was so funnn. not that dark, but i was imagining things like tigers and ghosts and whatever stuff to come out and scare me, but none appeared, to my disappointment. went up the highest hill there, slept and woke up for a wonderful porriage breakfast. second day, back to civilisation, back to singapore. went dragonboating which was also very fun and got sunburnt. it was tiring and after all that we retired to camp cristine to have dinner and be introduced to the scouts and cub scouts we be taking for the 3rd day's amazing race. third day, amazing race wasnt tat great. troublesome handling the little ones and getting them to move their asses. thankfully for me, there is a leader in charge of all of us in the patrol. admire her alot. haha. she handled the kids really well and was really kind and most of all she was pretty like hell. dang. sadly, i was a noob and damn shy. forth day, went back to sajs to clear up and debrief. thought after everything could finally go back to rest, but me and chin went out to pool and lan instead. lol. got home around 12, bathed and slept till 4pm the next day. hahaha.

second week wasnt much fun either. mostly training and competition at sp which i lost after 2 rounds. =( at least because the week was pretty boring, i have less to blog about and hopefully less strain for u readers eyes.

third week was also pretty much competition and training, this time though training was much tougher and competition was at sgcc... so far la dammit. managed to play 4 matches before i got kicked out for this one. tuesday though, i got special visitors to my house. leyi and dear came over. =D watched saw 3 which leyi thought was so cool =| i was kinda freaked. then watched band camp(american pie 4). during the movie, i held dear =p. turned out she liked it. =D for the first time i realise i have dont have balls for nothing (but ironically for leyi to elbow and kick too =S). i ma get even with her someday, but someday seems so far away it doesnt seem to come. in other words, im just sucha nice person i forgive and forget even though she shamelessly and outrageously trespassed my territory.

the last week. its kinda judgement week cause i haven been studying and this week i really gotta buck up and hit the books. well, tried to study but nth came out of it. theres just so much else to talk about and think about :P than work so i gave it up and just be prepared for the worst. resolutions: i might think of wad i wanna do next time and go to poly next year. jc is just too much mugging, not fun man. though i may sound like a kid, but i tell u studying so madly for 10 years is enough. i dont wanna be a nerd all till i grad from U. hanging out with dear and company makes me realise how much i missed out when i gave my all, committed to sch and frequently going home late and beaten.

i wanna give my computer games more attention, i wanna hang out with friends more, i wanna know more people and socialise, i wanna be more daring and stiff about things i want, and of course i wanna love her more than anyone ever loves her. though they say u cant force love, though it sounds like i'd force my love and spill it all over her her, though it sounds damn wrong, but hey "her" can be anything. lol. could be my com or my hp or even my bolster. well, here i humbly declare "her", without all the forcing, my dear. u know who u r. =)

btw, happy belated birthday, xinyi, again. lol.

2007-05-20T23:47:00.000+08:00

been talking to leyi(papa) and diamonds(dear) much lately. they are fun. they gimme sth new to look forward to everyday, making life less boring. at the same time though, they also demostrate how emo, rough, jealous, flirtacious, corrupted people can actually get. i have to comment that i give it up to leyi's uncanny ability to remain indifferent about bullying and giving me hell of a 'good' time, and her least hesitant disposal of the word 'molest' against me, although i would find her take her hands and running them inch for inch all over my body. =\ then i also have to put my hands down for diamonds for owning me in my once familiar and frequent area- arcade. she composedly sent my eyes popping out in disbelief and ego to rock bottom when she displayed her ownage trademark in wat used to be my territory. well, all exaggerated, hehehe, but true. =|

holidays are coming. i so look forward to that break, as well as all the hanging out and catching up with friends. prospect of it is just so delighting but as i find my wallet cold and empty, all the moisture of cloud 9 evaporate in an instance. also cant wait for outings and camps. no holiday for me this holiday, just staying in singapore and hear about ppl going away to so and so paradise island or highland or grassland or woodland or wadever plains for a trip. dang.

i gotta wrap up the term well so that i would be crucially motivated to start well next term. the break should allow me to put everything behind and start fresh, though deep inside i sometimes wish for another chance, another shot, or just for time to turn back. (emo now) sometimes i wish i hadnt fucked up things i fucked up. its so fucking fucked up. i hope and i try not to fucking blame myself but i just fucking cant. this world aint gonna stop spinning because i cant fucking pick myself up and it fucking spins harder to fucking mock me. ashamed of myself, my face wont lift itself up to look at the people i was once fond of, the people i love. i fucking dont understand why slim shady didnt sing me success is my only motherfucking option, failure is not sooner.

"Disenchanted"

Well I was there on the day
They sold the cause for the queen,
And when the lights all went out
We watched our lives on the screen.
I hate the ending myself,
But it started with an alright scene.

It was the roar of the crowd
That gave me heartache to sing.
It was a lie when they smiled
And said, "you won't feel a thing"
And as we ran from the cops
We laughed so hard it would sting

If I'm so wrong
How can you listen all night long?
Now will it matter after I'm gone?
Because you never learn a goddamned thing.

You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya

I spent my high school career
Spit on and shoved to agree
So I could watch all my heroes
Sell a car on tv
Bring out the old guillotine
We'll show 'em what we all mean.

If I'm so wrong
How can you listen all night long?
Now will it matter long after I'm gone?
Because you never learn a goddamned thing.

You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya

So go, go away, just go, run away.
But where did you run to? And where did you hide?
Go find another way, price you pay

You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya, come on

You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya

2007-04-19T20:44:00.000+08:00

WHAT THE @!#@%@^@#%... zzz. luckily im a nobody and thus i can post all my slander and swear words at ppl here. that physics relief teacher really getting me pissed off. she just came and tick me off today for not having my worksheet. i said i lost it, and she went GO STAND AND THE BACK, DONT HAVE ALSO DONT WANT TO PHOTOCOPY FROM UR FRIENDS. freaking go to hell la bitch. freaking got mood swing and u choose to vent it on me. will it be better if i say i forgot to bring? i have nth to say. standing at the back i really wanted to just walked out of class. she totally dunno how to be a likeable teacher. but cant blame her for that, cant blame anyone too. cant change that fact and cant change my attitude towards her. shes a gnikcuf erohw. its only the second day man. SCREW THAT BITCH.

2007-04-18T20:01:00.000+08:00

dont pimp your brother's girl people.

its a long time since i posted.
yo. theres been bitches all around
-my friends, they pimped out totally :D ;
-the teachers, bitchin aint for yall man. get a life, get over it.

some relief teacher came to relief our class and she sucks big big time.
wasnt being a prick or an idiot or anything, just quietly looking over to my friend beside me coz he was playing with his GC. not like we are making a din and distracting the class or trying to attract attention even... maybe to her being the hardcore with her students is her core value, maybe thats why she would ask (sarcasticly) whats on our table - it wasnt her work - but cant she freakin see for herself? and the point is we werent even abit bothered by it, we werent doing some one else's work. well, but she just had to find sth to bitch abt. wow, i say shes a freaking good bitch. i say its our youthfulness that makes us easily distracted and restless so we'll take out something to entertain ourselves. oh, if u dont get it still, bitch, u r just so boring and turnoff. and, what in the world do u have to care about what my eyes like to look at. i wanted to tell her, these up here in my sockets, are things called eyes, my eyes, and i have the complete right and freedom to look at anything and everything, and choosing not to look at sth else is not a fault, especially sth or someone that is.......

Don't wanna think about it, don't wanna talk about it
I'm just so sick about it, I can't believe it's ending this way
~What goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around~

enough bitching. squash season is almost over. sad sad sad. seniors are gonna retire soon and focus on their A'levels. i have to get down to studying and doing my homework already. =(((

missing my friends from everywhere. miss genny looi lulu kuku bolus. man, hows NP and K? whats a damn diisopropylfluorophosphate? dang. =) miss xinyi sweetie. shes gotta be so busy with work and school. never hear from her so much alr. found another guy alr? haha. stay pretty mhm. i've said for the 41530723496th times i wanna get abs, and u have said even more times u r getting fat? lol sorry, but still think ur pretty. i miss u. call me anytime. =) miss people from kraken, they all seem to have gone away to another place. dang. gets to me that nothing is forever and i should make the best of every moments.

2007-03-17T18:19:00.000+08:00

things come and go so so fast. yeah gonna meet my new and more permanent class in a couple of days. speaking of meeting new ppl, hey, i alr met my GP teacher. and hey, shes a TOTAL BITCH i tell ya. was checking out whos gonna be in my new class from the notice board, when she was there too. then i made some comments like "shit" that this so and so gonna be in my class, she shot back and said "u guys will be in the same class, its not pleasent to make comments like that." at first i tot she was talking to yanxun coz he was also like that, and also going "omg" and stuff coz of the ppl in his class, so i ignore her. then i shitted again and she came to me and asked for my name. KNNCBBFUCKEDUPLOSER. and for my full name and class. then she said "i might not look like your form tutor, but i will be teaching your class..." oh wadever man. u think u r sucha big ass shot? and later i made another comment like "hm not bad, there r new ppl in my class i dont know, its gonna be fun", and she behaved like some stuckupmotherfuckingpms adolesent kid, telling me "u think they will like u ar... u got such a bad mouth lalala". gimme a break will ya? u wanna bitch with me, bitch with me and u will see.

2007-03-12T19:21:00.000+08:00

came back from squash camp just yesterday night. it was fun and also tiring. there wasnt that much and that scary physical training that my seniors had scared me abt. eating together and playing games together must have bonded us quite well i can say. soccer, captain's ball and frisbee were fun. touch rugby not so fun becoz the girls didnt know the rules and the fun abt the game. lol. camp wouldnt have been so tiring if not for the tennis people we were bunking with and the cold room that we were bunking in. evey night the tennis guys would play till quite late that it was quite hard for us to sleep well. and they would set the air con to full blast that we poor j1s squashers without sleeping bags were freezing in it. i got up one too many times because of the cold, and went outside to sleep in the middle of both nights. these had made us all walking zombies the next day, though we dont really show it until squash training, WHERE ALMOST EVERYONE HAD FALLEN ASLEEP AT.

orientation 2 ended on friday. lots of dancing at campfire. i thought i would skip campfire becoz i didnt know how to dance mass dance well. the fact is we didnt practise the couple dance at all during orientation 2 and i would probably be so shy to ask someone to be my dance partner since i cant dance well. but i stayed. kraken and annabel persuaded me to. so has jolyn. so i just watch ppl dance and try my best to follow. lol. so kuku malu. but it was fun and annabel was there for all of us who doesnt really know the steps. annabel u rock! haha. after campfire we were suppose to go for squash camp but some of the other squashers were M.I.A while the j2s were out at dinner. i only found jolyn and we were so high after all the dancing that we wenta run 8 rounds off the track and cartwheeling a little on the track.

but the end of orientation is really sad. the first reason is that the honeymoon period in jc is over and we really gotta start being responsible for ourselves and mug like we suppose to. the next reason is that many people from Kraken wont be staying in acjc, so i wont be seeing them that much anymore. the third is that i wont be staying in 1sb2 and many of us would be splitted up anyway. i gonna be missing everyone in Kraken and 1sb2 man! wish my new class would be another of my place to be.. and the people are fine and kind and our fellowship would be a fun one. =)

2007-02-28T19:24:00.000+08:00

hahaha. training is so so, what can i say. ytd my butt and head ache. today my calf ache. why? coz our seniors decided to do 8888 skips at first. then round up and they agreed on 10k. oh wells. spent 2 and a half hr at the same spot skipping. oh just rem sth funny tat happened ytd during training. 2 jokers from rugby went into the ladies when there was no one coz they wanna bathe and the gents is quite dirty. first thing they said was 'wah so clean ah.' and they decided to shower there. we guys sitting at the squash courts were like 'young men what r u doing in the ladies...' yan xun and justin took turns to question them, and they just laugh it off. then we didnt bother much abt them, when a teacher from the music centre came out and slam on the ladies' door. screwed. it went BANG BANG BANG, followed by COME OUT! lol. the guys were alr half naked then. forced to come out and got a serious lecture plus dunno how many demerit points. BANG...

2007-02-27T22:38:00.000+08:00

training today left my with a terrible headache and backache. cant sleep well!!!

2007-02-27T22:24:00.000+08:00

it never mattered if u cant return feeling yo.

2007-02-26T19:55:00.000+08:00

whats done cannot be undone
and that i know.
i havent handled things too well
so remorse i am.
for your enmity for your aversion
i do not blame.
take me to a place distant from ur mind
i certainly understand.
yet for all your kindness and love before
i have to say.
that i am stuck now tonguetied
how could i mess up.
u didnt talk to me and i didnt realise
how selfish i've been.
i searched everywhere but myself
just couldnt figure wats wrong.
sometimes i just wanted to know how
you are actually doing.
your absense was killing my patience
i wonder wats on your mind.
guess it doesnt matter anymore now
perhaps ignorance is bliss.
every end is a start of a new beginning
i have to move on.

2007-02-25T22:39:00.001+08:00

yoyoyoyo... damn bored... weiting makes me feel naked. =X

2007-01-25T18:31:00.000+08:00

im kinda free now and haven posted for some time. so i shall do a little posting today. mm. firstly, WEITING, WHAT DO I NOT KNOW THAT U KNOW?? haha retarded. well, if u wont tell me, i ma just expose u and alvin. uh huh =) oops! yeah, if u dont tell me i really will man. kool. yup. secondly, my dear dear kuku lulu mei... i miss u la! dumb dumb, make me miss u so much. u owe me chicken dance. xP oh xinyi too. miss u loads. =D its always nice to hang out around u, xinyi. life cannot be more enjoyable without u. u gave me what i couldnt have asked for, the love and care and support along the way. this is random, but i always remembered u telling me when i was down and out, "what nonsense, u can be good if u want to" and i managed to get back to my feet. u have really been a great friend and impactful in my life. hope u doing fine right now. call me anytime if u wanna hang out or walk walk yea. =)

jc life is beginning to get to me, the way it just suppose to, i guess. all the long hours kinda eats into me. and its no more spoon feeding like in secondary sch. must be really independent now. u lose out, your problem. so yeah, feel quite shackled to school and not much time left for other things else. but since i will stay in jc for 2 years, might as well enjoy the 2 years right, dont u say? my class is getting pretty warmed up, everyone getting to know each other. cool yea? but i have problems remembering them names. haha.

2007-01-14T03:50:00.000+08:00

things i managed to say today... goes gaga gigi gugu and i totally dunno where they came from. anyway, i said "i been to the airport with friends before to WATCH PLANES TALK COCK". then i also made sth stupid up but sounded funny i think. it goes "you you you. you wad you la you! retarded wad retarded. retarded la retarded la you!" lol. hey btw, my senior has got a good joke. "wad bees produce milk?"... and the answer - boobies. lol.

2007-01-11T23:00:00.000+08:00

its quite late now to say this. its alr 2 weeks into the new year. haha. i have reflected on the last year- 2006, and wanna try make 2007 a better year, so i gonna start it fresh and well, put all my past behind. so far, i can say tat its all been going fine. and fun. =) orientation at ac is a whole new experience, the people i meet there are great and nice, and really theres nth more i would hope for in ac.
in a nutshell, 2007 has started prettily and positively. all the feelings of wearing the new jc uniform, mixing around more with girls and feeling more like a grown up certainly put meaning and purpose into my life.
however, there is still a tinge of negativity in my perspect of a new life- that is my low self esteem. i know xinyi has told me its an unattractive trait, and that i should be more confident. but then, its not that i dont want to. the past has scar-ed me and i know im not as steady as before especially in handling my own emotions. then my good pals have been mocking at me, about how a loser i m having no gf for 2 years +. not that it is such a big thing to have gf, but i do think sometimes that i m quite a failure. i guess i dont face up to challenges and opportunities bravely and well enough.
ok. wad else can i say then? i shall post my honest thoughts here. hope my dear mei dont find this cheezy too. haha. i think, since abt a month ago, i started to like this someone. yes, someone whom i would find staring back in a particular manner leaving me sucha feeling of being so at home? mei, dont laugh! if u would ask me for sth with more substance as to why i like her, i say its very much this quote i heard from somewhere -"what actually makes u feel most vulnerable, is actually most important to u." hm, i have found someone to be kinda nice since, but i dunno! dunno whether i should or could let her know as it might just spoil everything. dang dang dang. so reminded of the song "sth stupid" by robbie williams. dunno la. hm... i dont deserve anything, m not good enough for nobody.

2007-01-01T20:46:00.000+08:00

THE ALL-AMERICAN REJECTS

"Move Along"

Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you fall everyone stands
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking
With the life held in your
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Move along

So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your
Hands are shaking cold
Your hands are mine to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)

When everything is wrong, we move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
When everything is wrong, we move along
Along, along, along

When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
[x3]

(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
Right back what is wrong
We move along
[fade out]

(:

2006-12-10T22:08:00.000+08:00

TWO DAYS MORE! (:

2006-12-09T11:41:00.000+08:00

GENNY MEI KUKU! i replied... go read my taggy...

haha sorry my summary skills lousy. i just know how to write crap and throw them all out. but before i go into any further bolus bullshit, its 3 MORE DAYS to MEI'S TURNING 16. CONGRATS. woots. EH U OWE ME TENNIS AND PICTURE AND A CHICKEN DANCE LA... and i really gotta wish u happy SWEET SIXTEEN. muahahaha.

squash training ytd at acjc. was fun yet tiring. trained from 0900 to 1430 lor. haha. after tat cabbed to bugis to meet shua and ben. wanted to watch movie flag of our fathers but there isnt showing at bugis. =( haha i suddenly felt not so bad abt it coz some ppl arent even 16 to watch it yet. like my dear mei. hehe. i bought a bag at bugis. then we ran to lido to try to catch tat movie. but the earliest slot was 2 hrs later. so then we took a bus to hereen. wanted to buy slippers too. but dunno wats nice. i dont really shop so ya. then to cineleisure wanting still to watch flags of our fathers, but nearest show time was 930pm. so crappy. ended up going to paradiz to play pool. made to walk so much after my fierce training... im dead beat. =(

today's a boring day. nth to do and dunno what to do. i wanna drink again! but its singapore and i cant buy them. look forward to meeting kuku mei~~

2006-12-08T23:32:00.000+08:00

derrick kwok kuku!
hahaha guess who!aye, you have a tag board. learn to tag on it la please. its the one on the right, it says RAHH (: & theres even a label called TAG ! & paragraph la its damn tiring just reading one whole chunk!
you're kuku-er than i thought mhm. (:

yayyy, sweet sixteen soon!
& you owe me outings! tennis & ~~squash~~.
(( you'll probably pawn my ass in that now, as always hahaha. ))
but if we play tennis we'll lose all daddy's balllllls.
& that leaves him with none.
thats really sad. ):

im talking nonsense la hahahah all your fault.

anyway, im off.
loves. (:

2006-12-07T00:04:00.000+08:00

haven posted for awhile due to exams and stuff. and before i realise it, its alr december. heh. genny mei got me a new blog skin! yayee. shes so nice can. nth else i can say except tat i love her loads. hehe.

i just came back from kl... went there for squash interteam competition. though i played badly and didnt win anything, it was fun. i enjoyed it coz its sth different from my routined life and well, there r girls! haha. i realised also that i have learned to ignore all lectures and scoldings from ppl. i used to feel guilty and bad abt it, whenever i got scolded, and feel tat i have committed a serious blunder. but now, i m kinda totally careless abt it. just listen to them nag (out of no disrespect), and then continue with wad i wanna do. wad for be bothered so much by it. life will still go on with little changes and adjustments. people will still be people, friends friends, family family, so on and so forth, the world will still be spinning and the sun rising every morning... (crappy, totall crappy.) haha. guess its all cause i cant convey my thoughts really well, so i give unnecessary and out-of-the-point details.

well now that im back, lotsa things i needa go. i gotta go find my genny mei and play with her tennis and go out. haha. wad happened to my chicken dance alr ar? i forgot... hm then i also longlingly awaiting xy's return. haha. one and a half month in china, and shes coming back next tues. coincidentally, tat day is also genny's birthday. so cool. heh. so many things happening this holiday, but ironically, it seems to be the shortest holiday despite being the last holiday of secondary schooling. sad... but im glad too, coz at least, after 4 years, there would be girls alr. haha. dont laugh.

im motivated to train hard again. less computer games, more squash, so i wont screw my life up so bad like this year.

2006-12-06T01:26:00.000+08:00

HELLO YOU KUKU.
RAHHH IT HASN'T.
IT WAS KUKUFIED AS SOON AS YOU CREATED THIS BLOG MIND YOU! (:
I JUST DROPPED BY TO DRIVE THE POINT HOME & MAKE YOUR BLOG NOT SO KUKUFIED BY CHANGING THE BLOGSKIN.
I AM NICE. HAHAHAHA.
TRUST ME, I AM.

2006-12-06T01:19:00.000+08:00

MY BLOG'S BEEN OFFICIALLY KUKUFIED BY MY BELOVED & KUKU MEI ~GENNY~

2006-12-06T01:01:00.000+08:00

RAHHH!
HAHAHA GENNY'S HERE TO SPAM YOUR BLOG. (:

THANK ME FOR THE NEW SKIN I GOT BORED OF THE OLD ONE CUS THE TAGBOARD WAS SCREWED AS WELL. HEHHH.

WE HAVE TO GO OUT OKAYY? & PLAY TENNIS & SQUASH WITH DADDY & THE TWINS.
MHM & IM TYPING NONSENSE AT SUCH AN UNEARTHLY HOUR.
YOU KUKU. TAKE SO LONG JUST TO REPLY ME ONLINE RAHHH.

ANYWAY, HOPE YOU DO WELL FOR YOUR OS OKAYYY.
LOVE, ME!

2006-10-25T00:28:00.000+08:00

i dunno if its me, or the stress, or wadever. but yesterday i had another wierd dream...
in my dream, i was sleeping in my bedroom. then there were astroids or meteorites falling, from outer space of couse, right outside my window. oh and they were making such a loud thud sound when they hit the ground. i can literally feel the tremor right to my bones. but despite the fact its juz so close, juz so outside my window, it doesnt seem to be affecting me. i was indifferent and still lying in bed looking at them make the din, thinking wad it would be like if it were to hit me. then i saw my window was slightly open. i thought to be safer i better keep it fully shut(dunno why either) so i got up and walked towards the window. to my surprise, there was some writing on the window, like those made by our fingers on a layer of dust. it really caught me, because as i stare at the words, i realised it actually said "shut up, shit hole". i closed the window and lay back down, pondering over the significance of all these, and then i woke up...

2006-10-23T12:33:00.000+08:00

my tag board kinda screwed... dunno how to fix it. haha. can someone help me with it?
anyway, today didnt wanna wake up. got up at 9 at first and found nth to do... not tat i dont have to study, im kinda lazy at tat. so i went back to lie down on the mattress. then i got this really wierd dream. cant really rem wad went on in there, but i know its super wierd. think i was at a girl's house, with her family and all tat, for some kinda gathering. came in a car, and was sitting beside tat girl. cant really describe how tat girl's face looks like, but i saw sth... saw she had abs. like 8 nice solid abs. omg. wierd dream aint it? she was wearing tat kinda cotton shirt which was tight fitting and could see the abs through it... 0.O admiration. i dont even have tat kinda figure, how much i wished i had. lol. got to her house, there were so many ppl i cant really rem every detail. only know i was sticking as close to tat girl as possible. apparantly, someone was getting married... at her house? tat i dunno. i had to say sth in tat dream, which they all thought it was a joke but i dont really think it is. well couldnt rem the gest of wad i said. was treated to "orh chut". dunno wad issit in english. i know i pretty much enjoyed my time and this girl's company, and tats when i had to wake up. oh wells.. someday i might meet this girl? or do i alr know her?

2006-10-07T19:20:00.000+08:00

well. Os really getting to me fast and furious. i got no time to breathe. prelims came and gone quickly enough and i haven recovered from it yet. i got 26 points for prelims, but fortunately i got my dsa. stressing up when i see how much work i needa catch up on and how far ahead my classmates are alr. but that aint all thats in my mind.

i dunno, at this point, whether i have feelings for her anot. dunno if i had let go alr or have juz shelved things. im so not secured nor affirmed, feeling is like dragging my feet, restricting me and eating me. dunno what to do completely. there are times wehn rx would tell me im always bothered with gal problems. but issit really so? i haven really expressed my feelings or done anything that i can just pull myself out of everything and wipe my hands clean of it? but i know i do like u, before and maybe still. im unsure of my own feelings. sigh. then my mei maria would tell me to go for someone who would like me back. that is unlikely. firstly its not me- i dont juz prey on anyone or someone else juz simply like tat. secondly, i still think i have feelings for u. well, its all strange. i always ask myself like why i like u.. i know u for more than a year, yet only met up once. its stupid of me to believe that u will like me or develop such feelings for me since we r like ppl from 2 poles. but its not just poles apart. i really cherish our friendship, but when i wanna bring it further, i have this sense of inferiority- i feel that im not good enough for u. having thought abt all these, it all goes back to this consciousness that i wont expect anything from u.. just to know u r happy will make my day.
love you before, love you still, will love u always

2006-09-08T02:53:00.000+08:00

i wanted to post sth on wednesday. wenta pool again after a long time. was such a memorable day. anyway, met up with xav, sibling, jo, tiff, mira, chin and crystal. lol. pool was fun. after so long of not pooling, i managed to beat sibling. hehe. beat xav once too. jo kor look as pretty as ever. and sigh, she said i look tired and asked if i slp at night.. its sad la coz being a pig i am who sleep so much, my complexion still sucks. lol. sounds so gay.. after pool, we were walking to ps for dinner at kfc, juz me sibling mira and jo. then we saw a group of girls wearing the same shirt, probably a class T or sth coz it has their names of it. then we got this crazy idea to call out one of them and see if anyone turns back.. so jo wenta put her phone beside her ears and went "hello [so and so]" and someone really turned back la. was so funny. haha.
heading home time. it isnt the end of the day. on the bus there was this girl who sat beside me. lol. somehow, both of us were tired and we were like leaning onto each other unknowingly.. i totally did not intend so, nor wanted so, but i was kinda overwhelmed by weariness to think. i dunno what she was thinking either, probably aint thinking abt anything i suppose. and there we were sleeping while leaning to each other's arm. i must say, i really was tired and didnt had any slanted thoughts whatsoever la, but i juz found it felt really nice. lol. i hvaen found sleeping on the bus comfortably was ever so easy. oh wells. maybe i ought to express my appreciation to this girl for giving me this first time feeling which is filled with warmth, closeness, and nothing more. dont think other ways. coz i haven thought that way! haha. and thats for this one day to remember.

2006-09-03T22:08:00.000+08:00

life is short, right? it doesnt give us the time to do things we wanna do. we do not have the time to show our love to our friends. hence the pact we havee is for us to cherish and the times we share is for us to remember. it is all inside oneself, to occasionally do sth abt it, to tighten the knot by make a phone call to ask how a friend is doing. on the other hand, it also doesnt give us the time to make enemies and find trouble with them. forgive and forget is the key. yet, how easy it is for us to forgive and forget. brainwashing yourself is an external and different issue. maybe yall can give me ideas on how to forget, without making me a stonecold being..

2006-08-08T23:49:00.000+08:00

oh 8th aug.. national day eve. mood at sch was rather high, suddenly everybody so patroitic. perhaps its coz of the holidays that follow that they are excited abt. hm. got inspired to study bio so much coz of my dear kuku mei genny. hehe. she wants me to teach her some new and sophisicated words. the word i rem teaching her last time was a simple word- bolus. i called her a bolus. hm. gonna read through my text and my a more chim word for her. hehe. and i gonna be doing more maths and physics too. i really wanna ace these subjects. oh, i learn today that dear d lost her phone. so sad for her. and she seems kinda upset with the happenings and her sis. so i sincerely hope she be happy. cheer up yeah. =p also today, wenta esplanade or water front to watch fireworks display with xy. so cool. fireworks are very lively and unpredictable, making it a pleasure to watch. some of them are like falling stars, or shooting stars u call it.. hm then wenta tcc sat down. gotta say the crowd today is totally huge. all the time we sat at tcc there were ppl walking pass to get out and probably home.. hm, we chatted. xy is a lovely girl. so nice to have her ard. oh, on the bus home, i realised my vocab is so so limited. well, as i was trying to convey abt a girl's legs being hotter than norm, i describe it as outstanding legs. such an idiot i am. i gonna slp and try to forget abt this.

2006-07-21T16:28:00.000+08:00

hello... i dunno whats become of me. im mad. i skip school like nobody's business. and wouldnt pick up calls, calls of people asking me why not going to sch, each persuading me to go. im like living in my own world, careless of everything. hm. i must admit i dont like ppl interfereing in my life alot, but is it an excuse to escape sch? is sch tat scary. or im just to willful. its the o's this year, i know, i wanna hang on till the end. people tell me dont give up, yes, im trying, but then again i find that an intereference. zzz. then i indulge in sleeping, wouldnt wake up to go to sch, totally lost in myself.

2006-07-18T22:30:00.000+08:00

im really disheartened.. first im disallowed to slp. got millions of calls to get me up to get me to go to sch. after tat got scolding for not answering the phone.. why cant i fucking slp? went to sch was recess.. today also was prelims el oral. totally screwed it. the picture was like showing a guy with his collection of shoes.. wad da hell ma suppose to talk abt it? then i kept talkin abt the collections, cher said repetitious.. talked abt collections, she said its collection and not collections.. asked me some other dumb question, told me not enough dept and inference blah blah blah.. really not so happy abt it. conversation was worse. got a question like talk abt a time when i receive sth i dont like.. wad to say? be blunt said i didnt like a book so and so gave me, but still read it and found it interesting.. then she ask wats interesting.. im like zzzzz alr.. fucking not a great day. m having enough of all this..

2006-06-18T01:40:00.000+08:00

actually wanted to post weeks back during the hols... haha but i surrendered to my slp. ah wells. hols has pass by real fast man. and i confessed i haven done anything good. slp and play is all i do. spent money like i m drinking water. so broke now. its juz nth right, nth good. oh, nv even catch up with my friends. feeling bad for tat. whole day in my own world, gaming and sleeping. sigh. this all gotta stop. yeah.
i should start living a different life. been over indulgent in playing, fooling ard, all this is bad, and worse its wearing me out. think i would go out less, save those money, stay home rest, and ma study- for good. ah well. its not so fun, but i must tell myself it is. its reality, of course its fun eh. oh, got invitation from acjc for dsa... its a good thing, but my results would never allow for tat. so yea, gotta do sth abt my studies really. hm xinyi gotta go study with me again! haha. oh yes, xinyi's bd coming. next week to be exact. lol. and l-cube loves her so much he had started planning sth alr. today he rang me up and told me the plan. yeah. shes one fortunate little gal. lol. excited over wat we are gonna do for her.
hm. haven seen D for so so so long now. lol. shes become a big girl, a da jie jie now. but sadly, the bond we have seem to be fainting, so much so completely dissolved into nothing? talked to her, but it seems all different and i juz dont find the link. tats all i can say abt how i feel.. its...

2006-05-18T22:42:00.000+08:00

ahhh... haven blogged for ages lol. my gawd my results suck so bad? i tot some papers were easy but its actually juz wad i think... its becoz i dunno how to do that made the paper so easy. dunno how to explain this. juz bad. BAD. o level chinese exam juz next week. LOL!!! juz feel like laughing. i tot my chinese mid year was fine too but i only got c5? sigh... sth wrong with me. today had x-country. i slacked alot by walking. ran abit, but im feeling real tired now. weak. have been playing lotsa computer games to late and maybe thats y. i feel so gone and wasted. HAHAHA.
nvm talk abt more positive things. i watched some great movies recently! hehe. hm gonna get xinyi out to watch da vinci code coz she like the story. so ya. wonder what D is doing right now. gotta think of her almost anytime. lol. am i too free? am i doing things i aint suppose to do? dunno what else to write about. well to my friends: RX wish u do good in sch and ur pw.; Sibling POOL POOL POOL!; genny mei take lotsa care and i miss ya loads.; xinyi oh i miss u too gotta meet up someday and really talk. hm, who have i missed out? oh to D, er stay sweet! hehe. tats all for now, i guess. chao.

2006-02-14T18:07:00.001+08:00

this one post is dedicated to my dear mei, the one, the only, the kukuest. yeaps, she actually complains i didnt talk abt her in my blog, which is so thick skin. even i as her kor felt embarassed. loll =) no im all juz kidding. my mei is the nicest thing to me, well sorry to describe u as a thing, but dunno how else to put it. shes funny, crapy like me, clever, bolusish, all this traits which come together into making her a wonderful mei. well someday im gonna get this back in her blog right? like how a kor i am to her? hehe. btw, did u change blog or sth? cant seem to see anything. O's this year lor, so juz gonna wish my mei all the best. one last thing before i go off to sleep, wish u would get to read this, and laugh always!!! its the coolest of the coolest thing lah. u gotta hear yourself laugh man. hehe. take lotsa care dear.

2006-02-14T18:07:00.000+08:00

2006-02-05T01:24:00.000+08:00

my writing is getting worse, so i ma as well write more over here so that i might just get better? well, actually, its for u guys who patronise my blog. i wanna sum up wad i did the last 3 days...

thursday. school's usual- hw not done, get screwed by teacher... typical. but after school, i went out with a bunch of cool friends, gnia mira tiff xavier, and we got to play pool. i must say they are all good at it. gnia is expert, she beaten me to it. tiff is all talents, played for the first time and could hit nice straight balls. xav is cool and steady, and rawk at beckoning gals to bend lower? mira couldnt really play, but her presence adds to the fun so cannot leave her out. me, guess nth much to say abt me... boring and stuff maybe? and after that we wenta arcade. they, the gals wanted DDR, so we went there lor. tiff is pro at it man, real good, guess shes made for dance and stuff like tat. gnia and mira also not bad. surprisingly, xav can also do the dance. woots, left me- i could only stand there and look at them, coz i lousy. lol. but its fun watching...

friday. school is usual again, dont need me to elaborate again here. at night, xinyi and roy asked me out for bowling. man, when i arrive at bp plaze, they had me waiting. i asked them where were they and they were like "u wait there, we will find u". but i would soon learn abt their kind intentions. bowling was okay, i still had my "form" though i was tired. form in the sense being able to score my average score lor. i wanna mention also that ROY LOST TO XINYI AT BOWLING. lol. after that wenta send xinyi back home... again, they had me waiting. they told me to wait for them at the void deck and disappeared. then they appeared again and told me not to look. A SURPRISE! oh, they got me a cake to celebrate my bd with me. SWEET. pandan cake with m%ms as toppings which show a smiling face. DOUBLY SWEET. lit a candle, sing bd song. TRIPLY SWEET. i guess im so lucky. yupz, thanks guys! although i couldnt finish the m%ms, i kept the one candle which was on the cake. this one candle i would keep for yall, to remember this priceless moment spent together. i so do not know how to express my gratitude and the measure how touch i was. they were simply out of the universe.

saturday, just moments ago. i wenta pool again, this time with bernard and benedict only. was great fun there. benedict is good, but so far, luckily for me, i keep a clean sheet record against him. lol. bernard juz learnt how to play and he cant really hit the ball well. but when he does hit it well, its with precision and accuracy. sucha physics expert really
wenta rgs after that for the "rock for good" performance. its an eye-opener. the audience were at times really enthusiastic and loud, but sometimes stony. well, to me, i say they just follow the rest. when their friends start to jump and raise their hands, they follow and spark off a chain effect. lol. if they audience had been of a greater number, so that it would have been more packed in the hall, i believe the effect of the enthusiasm would be greater too. when the concert was over, we left for far east to grab a bite. left abt 1145 for the mrt. theres no bus becoz of the chingay performance, so troublesome. at yishun mrt, we had to all alight the train to wait for the next one due to some reason lah. was half asleep so cant rem. then, i thought i saw someone. a girl. does she know me? do i know her? i thought i know her, but i cant rem her name, and wouldnt dare to approach her. there seem to be a particular force when we made eye contact, telling me that we met before... well, i would like to keep my friends as much and as long as possible, so i hope something would let us meet again. its also this hope which contains the want to meet u.

in a nutshell. to gnia, stay cheerful and pro at pool. to tiff, u r sucha dancer. to mira, glad to have u as a friend. to xav, stay cool and cold, its funny. to anyone else, good luck in exam and be happy? to me, happy birthday. haha. zhao. good night.

2005-12-08T12:46:00.001+08:00

haven been blogging for some time, was lazy abt it. so ya, now its the time i repay my debt to u readers and make one entry. this holiday had been one of the coolest holidays i had. its not tat boring and stony like other holidays, but it gave me quite some great experiences. i went to genting, sat on the rides, ate like a king, live the most relentless spendtrift life i ever had. then i went to kl for squash tournament, played squash of course, took care of my own life there, hung out with my coolest friends, dont need to worry abt everything else, and had a great time.

x'mas is coming again, and i reminds me its december.
december, the time i remember i had to spend loads of money on presents, coz of my mei's birthday also. i still dunno wad to get her!! oops? *smiles innocently. gonna share cost with cheryl for her present, but her budget is only 10 bucks. so dunno wad to get still and i dont have much time left. WHAT DOES SHE WANT? WHAT DOES SHE NEED? oh, i believe she needs a boyfriend? so a boyfriend it could be for her birthday. haha. just joking. gotta think think think of what to get lahz.
december, its this time last year which i got to know xinyi better and become best of friends, or best of sisters. gonna say that its really a pleasure knowing her and hanging out with her. the ever cheerful look she gives and the ever sweet smile she has, is always pleasing and comforting. the engaging person she is and her sensitivity as a girl, makes her a very pleasant and approachable buddy. to round up, its really been my honour to know her. thank you xinyi. its an unforgettable one year.

dont wanna sound biased, so yeah, thanks to all my other pals who have at one point or another walked my life with me, helped me in difficult times, suppost me when im down, and made me what i am today. i owe u guys lorz, and i m drowning in this fortune u guys bless me with.

2005-12-08T12:46:00.000+08:00

2005-11-24T15:40:00.000+08:00

tuesday wenta a chalet party with some friends. forgot how and why i got to know them alr, but its really great to know them. they are like the coolest people i know! 2 of them, i found out, can blow bubble gum real well, while i dunno anything about blowing. the guys there are cool, can sing can break can drama and can put on girls clothing. haha. the girls can do almost anything other things. they cook organise swim act dance but only thing is that they are quite bad at communicating. a 20 plus or so people gathering becme a 40 people barberque party or some sort, so they bought food for 40 people and it not only was too much for all of us to consume but it also got out of the budget. hence the poor guys who bought the food had to pay for them all. hehe. speaking about food, we had almost everything under the sun there. pizzas cookies brownies chips instant noodles and of course barberque food for 40 people. okay, things we did there were eating, playing truth or dare, dancing for the girls, learning breaking for the guys and swim. food was of course good, swimming i wasnt swimming but watching coz too cold and i dont wanna get down(haha, more like some other reasons- i dun wanna be the only guy swimming?) truth of dare was more or a dare or dare becoz all of them was forced to ask for dares, and i didnt participate coz i humpji lorz. the dares are pretty amusing. learning to break was a new experience. didnt ever think i would be learning such stuff. but i deem it cool and quite simple lahz. haha. the dancing dancers, who were the gals, they were quite havoc and crazy i must say. ask nat or almo, or maybe juz ask them lorz. but again, knowing them is juz so cool. ok the highlight of the day, to me, was 2 occasions. first was during truth or dare. one guy was dared to go next door and borrow a bikini by one of his friend. so he went and he got one. then he was asked to put it on, which he also obliged. and finally he posed against the wall in the bikini and pictures of him were shot. lol. next was the serving of the barberqued food. almo came in with a plate of satay and serve us. he whispered to me not to take the ones in the middle of the plate and yeah, someone else had to. that someone else was euginia. surprisingly, she did not feel anything when she ate it, so they decided to get her another raw satay, a totally raw satay to be exact. haha. and she popped it into her mouth and immediately spat it out again. well, wad can i say. i just laugh at the commotion. anyway, wanna thank those who invited me to the chalet. u guys rawk!

tml i will be going to genting with my family. oh wells, nth much to add about that. when i come back on sunday, i'll have another 2 days in sg b4 i leave for kl on wed. so yup, gonna be unavailable for quite some time. how come u are always not with your phone? or rather why is your phone always not with u? i miss talking to u. do u hate talking to me or sth? u seem not keen in talking to me. i m quite lost. do u know i will be away? oh wells. this probably aint getting me nowhere.

2005-11-08T17:58:00.000+08:00

dont say sorry.

im having this really lousy feeling. my closest frenz, or rather the people i hang out with often, wouldnt take notice, and even if they would, they wouldnt understand this displeasure im going through. well, even if they do understand, what can they do about it? i feel so alone. who can i confide in? maybe i dont need to confide in nobody. this is my life, my body, my mind- so maybe i can just psycho myself, or kill the brain cells which make me feel so terrible. *knock my head against the wall* this sucks.

2005-11-02T01:02:00.000+08:00

zzz. the holidays seem slow and aimless. juz passing time like i had all the time i want. what makes my holiday a bit meaningful is my trainings, and the time i get to hang out and chill with my pals. well, being with my pals is simple great. but this holiday, i'm kind of lost. i miss my good buddy whos in china. god, 6 weeks there lorz. its not that im constantly missing that person, but occasionally when i lay in bed, or when i happen to pass by his/her place, i would feel kinda empty lahz. the company u give is priceless. well, just hope time would pass faster, but not too fast becoz next year's o' level and i surely haven't slacked enough. hm, i should have already slacked more than enough, but im pure lazy u see.
okay, theres this boy, who likes this gal. the gal knows, but is not confident and so not about to get into a relationship. it certainly appears, to the boy, that the gal is unsure, but should there be other reasons, time will unveil them. so, as much as this relationship is stagnent, the gal does not outright deny the guy and kill all his hopes. it is eating and eating deep into the guy, as he chooses to wait... he'll only wait for her.

2005-10-08T10:55:00.000+08:00

ooh. exams are over, but i forgot to post abt it. haha. but post exams have proven to be really devastating too. wad i mean is, its really eating me up, emptying my pocket of money. right now, i know i owe byong 5 bucks, chin 10 bucks, and lee 25 bucks. woa, 40 bucks in all. oh wells. i gotta start saving up and spend less, becoz christmas is coming, and i do wanna give presents to my friends.
nowadays i hear many good songs on the radio and mtv. cant download them becoz of my sucky com. but wish there would be more nice songs in the future.
yesterday night was really cold, beocz i turn on my air con to slp. got myself wrapped up in my blanket but its still cold. only when i began sms-ing and exercising my fingers tat i felt alittle better...... no lahz, truth is, is the person whom i msg tat made me feel warmth. haha. chatted with him/her until i finally fall asleep, and woke up to be scolded crazy. i also dunno for wad. im like so innocent? haha.
well, obs next week. still dunno how i would be going there. must go pungol jetty which is like so far... sigh. and i'll miss everyone for 5 days. maybe six, coz when i come back on friday, i'll probably juz slp the whole day. haha. yupz, so dun msg me from monday to friday next week.
i'll always love u dear.

2005-09-18T23:25:00.001+08:00

lets recount things the past week.
tuesday was sort of a milestone. it was the day she read my blog and asked me wad i mean by 'u r still not to know tat i feel for u'. at first, and as usual, i liked to deny tat and create some thrill and excitement. but i drove myself to confession this time when i wenta ask her does she knows wad tat mean. of course i was seen as hinting lorz, so no choice, told her the truth. are u wishing that exams do not end so fast now? or do u wish that it ends soon?
thursday i got my pocket money for the week. cool eh? no, i say, its not cool. i only got 20 bucks, and in a matter of 2 days, (thursday after sch wenta kap to have lunch and study there, and friday had training and have dinner with almo and friends at far east kfc) it would be all spent. i dont have money to pay my coach for restring-$15; i dont have money to repay the loan i owe my fren-$20. unfortunate? or unfortunate? haha.
friday, as i said, had training and then wenta have dinner. why have dinner on this particular day? becoz thursday was almo's birthday, so wenta celebrate with him. was also his twin, gnia's bd, so she was there too and they celebrated together. others who was there include xavier, me, a chinese high guy who i still dunno the name, aiwei, a tennis gal who i dunno the name too, and joanne. the dinner was particularly cool. had lotsa fun as we joked and gave each other riddles. i was super blur blur and dumb and couldnt solve the simple riddle. after tat on the bus, was with almo, gnia, xavier and the tennis player. was slapping each other, poking each other, and finally also playing some starring and not-to-laugh (bu4 xu3 xiao4) game. so farnie. i started laughing for absolutely no reason at all so i lost, but tat also triggered the rest except xavier the stoner to laugh too. so ultimately we all, except xavier, lose thanks to me.
its much of a regret becoz its zong qiu jie today and i did not even play with the candles on either weekend. only wenta relative's hse on sat and ate alot. must have grown many pounds heavier. today went out to study so didnt play too. surely have missed out alot. but nvm, who says we cant play with fire after lantern fes right? haha.
i kinda hate the transport authority in singapore. wad i mean is the bus drivers. whole day long i have to use coins to pay for my bus fare becoz i have lost my student pass and have no money to remake it. and whole day long they ask to see my student pass b4 they will accept 55c bus fare. humphf. so most of the time those kind drivers would make me pay above 1buck for the bloody dumb piece of ticket. poofs. save me from blowing my head... im juz so pissed. its like they wont lose much even if they let me travel for free, and its not tat i wouldnt pay honestly for my fare. yet they ever so arrogantly make me pay so much. wad are u guys? mere pathetic bus drivers mind u! ass. blood suckers. u tink u hip izzit? u tink u cool izzit? bloody hell.

2005-09-18T23:25:00.000+08:00

2005-09-05T13:47:00.000+08:00

okay, last sat me and andy wenta lan lorz. then met sean po and played together. then a funny conversation striked out after that when we wenta have dinner together. check it out.

andy: the gal beside me at the lan shop quite chio
sean: oh tot tat she was beside derrick?
andy: i changed seat so she was sitting in between
sean: oh tats the sji spirit man, we share the good things
me: then we should have asked her to play with us
them: yeah!
me: oh, but we'll screen her
(screening means to look at her monitor to see where is she)
andy: eh, please specify screen wad
me(blurhead): wad else is there to screen
sean: theres 2 things
and they started laughing and giggling while im still blur blur
me: wad else can we screen?
andy: one is com, one is her lorz
me: huh?
andy: ... B.C, u know B.C?
me: wad B.C?
then i tot i heard him said sth like bres chek... hm, wats tat?
sean: oh let me repeat, one is screen the screen, one is screen her. sccrreeaann (pause) hher.
and finally i get it lorz. the medical term of screening. haha.

well. tats abt it. today stoned at home the whole day. i cant go out becoz my sis is home and i have to look after her. but thankfully, theres ppl chatting with me today including my mei genny, my good friend xinyi, my sweet denise sista. haha. did genny say i was flirt? but hell, tml i'll be going out! yayee! for the first time i will be going out with denise. and i owe her a present. shh, i m a lousy friend. i still haven got her her present. hehe. will get it tml b4 i meet her. have been doing research on wats nice and wat will she like today, so it'll be easier for me tml. i did not forget abt the neon orange hairband nor the huge billabong pencilcase, but i juz wanta give her sth unpredictable, sth more special. yup, hope she doesnt mind my last minuteness. also hope i didnt give myself away today, sometimes i juz talk too much, and sometimes even without thinking. u are still not to know that i feel for u. hehe.

2005-08-27T23:30:00.000+08:00

SCREWED! CONDAMNED! NOT TO BE REDEEMED. haiz, im nowhere, even though i grow everyday and study everyday. nth makes me any more mature, any more responsible, any more independent. today i made a choice. i went out to play with my friends andy and alvin. though its juz a choice, and this may seem as so simple, so nth wrong, yet perhaps its fate that when i take things too much for granted something ill will befall me. and this is how it is- i lost my wallet, together with student pass and IC!!! its like 80 bucks juz to make new ones, and complicated, for i am penniless, it may be, wait till my mom finds out abt it. shes has yet to be told of the truth. when that happens, im gonna be so dead. ah, wanna let if all go! have this thinking: since the higher we climb, the harder we fall, then if we are nv happy, then it wouldnt be that bad when we become sad. well, wats the point in life then? i really dunno. HELP ME! exams are juz around the corner, and here's more stress to add to blowing load alr in my mind. nth is gonna work. not sweating, not squashing, not letting those andreline out, not something would make things better... or perchance there is. if i cant make myself feel good, making others happy would make me glad too. so yes! heres a balanced equation. when im down, i direct all energy towards her, and there, the resultant is null, is zero, such that no more frustration lingers.

as i was feeling down today, my 2 friends tried to cheer me up. thanks guys. great company. oh, we did stupid things to loosen up a little- we prank call ppl... andy did most of the job as i refuse to talk. mostly, we were ringing gals up, and saying horny things and trying to stir something up, and most of them wasnt too affected and laugh coldly before hanging up. poofs, boring. some are quite interesting, as we hear how blur they were at first. it was getting late and we had to go. i had no wallet, no bus pass, so i took a slow walk home. good xinyi doesnt go out with me anymore. ): but nvm. lalala. got home eventually. oh, its 11.55pm! and tml is a special day! at least to someone dear. im gonna to wish her happy birthday now. chao.

2005-08-25T23:14:00.000+08:00

is life a bliss? or too much one already? i come to realisation that we in school are always happy go lucky and never ever serious and down to earth, such that we have fun to the extent that we do not know our limits. lets name some instances. during bio class, was sexual reproduction lesson, dominic seem so aroused that we kept feigeting in his chair, and using his pe shirt to run his seemingly blushing face. so erotic. shouldnt we have a control over ourselves? werent we weaklings to have no control? haha. then that royston, interupted the lesson juz to ask a question- do animals menstruat too? wth... life's too blissful. on another note, people live so easy lives that they are so spoilt. they would tink they are always right, and would disturb people to boiling point. shallnt mention who but i find that there are many of such in my school. so sad.

listening to phantom of the opera themes now. quite nice and sweet.

sigh, today heard a really sad story, from ppl from **ss. someone passed away? and shes juz a student, juz a girl. is so sad. she has a heart problem, and has been living with that fact throughout her life? and today she had an heart attack of some sort and juz left, and her last words, i heard, was said to her best friend "(* **** ** ***** **** *******- censored as the school dont want the press to know to know more abt the incident so i shall be discreet too.)". i m totally saddened by the harsh facts of live. heard she was from the top class? and juz like tat a flame is extinguish. sigh, we live almost oblivious to these unhappenings around us therefore i say our lives are juz too good? we must really treassure our lives man. i shall be less an ass to other people and start loving them more. to anyone i've offended, sorry.

eh, am i alittle too sensitive? i do feel that sometimes im extremely slow too. sad. i suck.

2005-08-24T19:18:00.000+08:00

ahhh! i feel wierd. its becoz i drank too much water alr. -again- someone alr warned me that excessive intake of water can cause water intoxication, yet... im sorry. but i have no choice lorz. was squashing and was really tired. and i also dun have money for those sports drink, no money for food! so i was starving the whole day, 7am to 6pm. im gonna feast real good at home now. chao.

2005-08-22T17:12:00.000+08:00

well, sunday i went out with a bunch of friends of my pri sch. haven met them since like p5, except some, and its sure great to see them again.overview of the day.
cine: was dragged into kbox and made to pay for another person first. then wenta arcade play air hockey. so so fun fun man, though quite lame and kiddy. still prefer computer games and sports though. but nevertheless, when conditions are right, such game give immense pleasure too. like the people u play with lah. oh, becoz of tat, got hurt at a couple of places, mainly the hand and fingers. kelvina and berenicesa also hurt their fingers. haha, poor thing. hope u guys doing better already. after that, intended to go water front to watch performance by some bands. becoz of this, we got separated from berenicesa twice. sucha blur sotong. so tall also no use? haha, i mean nv put her height to good use to watch out whether shes together in the group anot. but we made our way to waterfront ultimately.
waterfront: there, we watched 2 bands perform. quite cool. first one though alittle lousier than the second. their speakers kinda screwed up and their songs were quite common and simple, i feel. the second one was exceptional. great variation of notes, ultra super really fast beat, and very exciting to listen to. the way they play seem so passionate, as they strum and beat the drums so fast, as though they were gun pointed, and playing to save their own dear lives. so kelian like tat. to sum up, this performance liberated me. i wanna learn how to play like them too! so cool!
okay, my opinion about my pri sch friends? fan yoong- became smarter and knowledgeable. kevin- relates more to gals, in short more perversive. hehe. berenice- of course taller, more mature yet playful too, more decisive and outgoing.emily- stronger emotionally, more charismatic and has lotsa friends i believe. germain aka kor- deep and more reserved, but can feel shes undrstanding, mature but shy. overall, had a great day.
i need to learn to be a man, to learn how to control my output of cash. until then i feel im really useless and hopeless.

2005-08-19T19:05:00.000+08:00

haven posted for so long, so long. its like ages, and this site seem officially dead. sigh. its the homeworks and test i have recently that i have no time to come online, not even to msn messenger. been trying very hard to cope with this stress, to pull myself through this moment. when things seem so mind blowing, so petrifying, i m grateful there are weekends and the holidays are nearing. also, i m thankful to friends who see me through this tough period.
it seems, that distractions are inevitable. perhaps its the playful nature of guys that we arent able to give our most to anything however hard we try to psycho our ourselves to. perchance there would be perple who will walk into our life and guide us on. yet, on the other hand, there's always the devil friends, who evoke on our greatest desires and force us to surcum to temptations. sadly, i've always been a victim. but when im left alone peacefully to have the best conditions for studying, i complain its boring and im lonely. sigh. nothing seem too unpredictable nowadays. life is but a cycle, a routine. when will sth really happen? when will my life be changed?
i guess we cant ask for too much. everything lies in our own dear hands, we are what we do. if only we know how to adapt to this mentality whenever the time is ripe. under no supervision, we grow to become only adapted to the surroundings: we just grow up studying, having no other life. whereas when u have a vocation right from the start, when someone has hammered into u what u wanna be when u grow up, then things would be different. say, if u wanna be a farmer, u will start learning how to plant the seeds for a start; if u wanna be an atletics, u would work out to have the basic build. why am i saying this? coz by now, everything is almost fixed in place. not much can be altered. your life can only be taken one step at a time, for its too late to want to specialise in one area. how can a short or far sighted become a pilot? how can a fat and clumsy person become a good dancer? this may sound crap, but if we had known what we wanna be early, life would be more meaningful. now, as i said, its only counting the steps. boring. what does it take for u to know my feelings... wish i could change history, to save those agony and regrets. i dont wanna be hurt anymore.

2005-07-29T09:40:00.000+08:00

WHEE... im so dead daed dead beat. from training and tests and stress. om my god.

2005-07-25T18:41:00.000+08:00

oh my. im sad again. this is all a horrendous cycle. few things. first, my stupid pe teacher wouldnt allow me to retake my 2.4 run. tat time i was slacking, so was everyone, so my timing was only good enough for a D. its because others had taken theirs before, while i was late tat day, tat i only had this pathetic 2.4 timing. they were slacking because they had done theirs and done theirs well. sigh. how? no gold this year, i want a gold at least! wad the hell. second, its the exam period again. can feel the stress already. alot of my homework not done, alot of chapters not mugged, and here comes oral examination knocking at my door. so sad. im trying to catch up, but my 1/2 horse power wouldnt allow tat. maybe its because i play too much already. third thing, im all alone now, cold and lonely. but its okay i guess- my work can keep me company. yeah, and thanx to a great friend XINYI, i got more work to do, to learn. and i dont have time. forth thing, i had forgotten about a friend's birthday last week, and i have no means of contacting her. im so sorry. and another friends birthday is coming, but i dun know when. wad a terrible friend i m. well, thats about all. bored. there's always someone special sustaining my life, im so grateful its u-13. and there's someone special i wanna share my life with, and im wishing it could be u-21.

2005-07-10T19:39:00.000+08:00

hm, i rem someone say my gal should be around 12-13 since im 15 now. yet, another fren says tats like preying on young innocent xiao mei mei. haha. in my opinion, the age doesnt really matter lahz. as long as we can get together well, and love each other, its workable. y m i saying this? does anyone, or someone, knows wad im getting at? haha. i also dunno. ya, but i know i needa manage my studies well this term else im really gone. hopefully i would be able to achieve that. and at the same time get someone to realise she's someone.
in squash, i have been skipping training recently becoz of my back injury. but its getting better. when im fully recovered, i ought to squash hard. i dun wanna lose to my squashmates and not let my coach down. im so grateful to him, he got me where i m today. thanx. he even got me sponsored by prince.

2005-07-05T20:27:00.000+08:00

i was suffering a back injury. i dunno how nor why, but i think i pulled a muscle or sprain or sth. cant even stand properly, cant sit with ease, cant lie down and be free to toss and turn. its a terrible terrible feeling. i juz went to the chinese doctor. good grief, tot its gonna hurt real lot, but it felt quite great! haha. now its better but i cant exercise for abt a week. it really hurt me juz now to be force to thinking i might not be able to squash again. suddenly i feel tat squash is kinda more important to me than gals. haha. maybe not lahz, when i found the right person- if i ever find her. oh, its the scgs performance this sat. i have 2 tickets. so would anyone wanna go with me? preferably gal pls. haha.

2005-07-02T17:29:00.000+08:00

however, whenever im down, i can fall back on squash. it will help me to let go of all thoughts and frustration. my squash will be focus coz all my energy is catered to it. so if i remain sad, my squash would improve tremandously. but what for? what is life without a purpose?

2005-07-02T17:15:00.000+08:00

i dun wanna go into the details. but the things i do and the way i think makes me feel so useless. y m i like tat? i so do not like myself. but i can only live on, for the sake of my loves ones, unwilling to disappoint or upset them.

2005-06-30T22:03:00.000+08:00

i'm so foolish. i played a very clever game and lost it. now i have to do something that would really send me digging a hole and burying my head into it as a penalty. sigh. terrified.

fairness?

2005-06-27T22:22:00.000+08:00

we often complain tat its not fair. like its not our fault and that things are juz not working out for us. actually, our fate is in our own hands. if we do sth to improve it, then of course we will be happier. well, i tried to be happy, but lots of things are stopping me from being so. im so sad now, i needa chill but its not gonna work. if only i had another shot at this life. if everyone had another shot at their life... we will all be happy and cheerful ppl. but thats not the case. i always wished for a better life lahz, mine at the moment sux. except for squash and some frineds, i say that i have little to turn to when im troubled. im beginning to kinda lose hope in myself. there is no future. like wad can a guy do all by himself? sigh. out.

love is selfish?

2005-06-27T16:43:00.000+08:00

being inlove is nice, so is being loved. but what has to be has to be lahz. somethings cant be controled. sometimes things arent juz wad we want them to become. in my opinion, to love someone doesnt mean to possess someone. when you cant have the person u love, why not juz look on the bright side and let loose. i would be contented juz to know that the person i love is happy and in good hands lahz. to sum up, to those who are heartbroken, in misery, i sincerely wish you could get over it, for the good of your one self and also for the one u love.

2005-06-07T00:53:00.000+08:00

does the truth always hurt? pls dun shelter me from it, i dun wanna be kept from the truth. sigh. i'd rather be in misery than be drown in lies and ignorance. doubt anyone understands me.

anyway, ppl come and go oversea for camps. so i wish all those who are going and all those who had return would or had enjoy themselves.

i finally understands too how gals shop. i've also discovered that i m so not good-looking that no clothes would suit me. sigh.

2005-06-05T09:51:00.000+08:00

yoyoyo wazzup dawgs. haha, taken from RX blog. hm, yesterday wenta lot 1 i met someone. shes so f***ing tall lahz dood. wad the hell man, like taller than me lorz. but i nth to say, shes quite pretty too. has the china gal kinda look? somehow i juz feel tat way lahz. haha. it also seem tat shes the person i most frequently run into, becoz i dun meet other friends tat often. last time i met her at lido, and i forget where else alr, but i know i met her a couple of times alr. okay, squash yesterday was good. played 2 matches, but its the second one tats so fruit reaping. yeah, i feel good. then wenta lot one for dinner. guess wad, me and almo bought a pizza and share. haha, so yum yum yummy! yeah, tats life man. so wazzup dawgs!

2005-06-05T00:27:00.000+08:00

wad can i say. well, im beginning to dislike singapore, although i have lived here all my life and thought everything was fine. sigh. today morning, a old lady came knocking at my door and ask for food. she wanted rice, but i have not any rice, so i gave her a curry puff, out of sympathy. then juz now on my way back home from squash, a guy came and sat beside me in the bus. screw it man, if it was some ordinary person, it'd be absolutely fine. but this guy stink of Cigerette. shit, i sure hate tat smell, though i live with it at home too. so i had to hold my breath, and try to take long but less breathe. i tink my face almost went pale and my expression was horrible while trying to hold my breath lahz. poof. tats not all, then he tap the person on the opposite side and got into a conversation. i could not hear becoz i was listening to perfect 10, but i could c he was talking. then he turn to me and i had to take off my ear piece and look at him, the stench-filled and foul-smelling man, and hear him out. it turns out tat he wants a dollar. isnt this begging in broad daylight? wow, i cant believe this. i tink he hasnt got money to fulfill his desire and needs for smoke. and when he alighted from the bus, i caught sight of him asking from other ppl for money too. im disgusted. this is terrible. so much for a prospering country huh- prospering from the sales of nicoltine, from the opening of ip resorts, from the tax from prostitution? what is this? although it brings growth to the economy, it poses as a bad influence to the population. we will become not a bit more hihger class and developed. so i have this idea of migrating overseas next time to get a taste of wad life there is like. it probably is much better and more free than life here. but taking into account tat i have no money and a small mini useless substanceless substance beneath my skull, i guess it would be impossible. my life would only be a simple and one with little freedom. if only A NICE YET SMART AND RICH GAL WOULD TAKE MY HAND NEXT TIME, AND BRING ME ALONG WITH HER, so that we would live a meaningful and fulfilling life in a better habitat. how i wish... yeah, wad a dream. sigh. conclude- my hopes on singapore has dampen.

2005-06-04T11:18:00.000+08:00

its boring at home... yesterday wenta lot 1 again, alone... had dinner , then wenta the arcade for awhile and then to the lib to borrow some book and do my hw... tats before xinyi called me out for a walk... so after tat i went to look for her... wenta a playground with swings and played on it for awhile... then wenta another bigger playground and sat there playing a staring game... haha... its practically us staring at each other the whole time, as the place was also very confined... we talk crap too and i became meanie mouse... so i have a feel nicks alr... haha... yeah, i found out tat xinyi afraid of rats! yeah, and her birthday's coming... so lets have some fun... haha.

2005-06-03T00:04:00.000+08:00

today wenta squash at almos... for someone who hasnt played for 6 days, im considered quite okay... haha... i got out of home at 3 plus, but my mom didnt know... so ltr after i stop playing, almo asked me to have dinner together at lot 1, so i msg me mom and told her i'll be squashing and be back by 10! haha... so i went out for 6 hrs, but she only knew i was out for 2... im good... then we went ard and walk, played the arcade too... went home with a bad stomackache, coz was drinking coke and more coke, first when squashing, then while eating dinner...
oh, i have a cool nickname... well, not rick, or dick, but dicky bird... haha, given to me by crazy ppl- a crazy gal...
im kinda sad... someone doesnt appreciate me... he\she doesnt wanna tell me something i wanna know... sigh... maybe is the way i asked, so, im kinda apologetic and sorry too if i had anger u yea...

2005-06-02T08:56:00.000+08:00

im back! from the camp... had fun and a great exp... the ppl are nice, but the younger ones
damn playful... bully me lahz... shallnt say how, coz im not vengeful... i shall keep this
post short coz im lazy to write alot lahz...
ok. besides being able to play with the nice
kids, i getta earn money too... and besides getting to earn money, i get to eat good food
for free too! haha... its really really good stuff... like clubhouse standards, and we get it for free! haha, coz im helping out mahz... oh, and the 150 bucks, i love this camp...
other than the food, i got to try out golf too! its my first time... im quite good yeah, i can hit the ball like 100m with a 7 iron club... oh baby... wanna play golf again...
finally, theres sth i wanna learn from this camp... u c, the pri sch children of present times, and even the kindergarden ones, are really daring... they juz come and grab at u if they want to lahz... maybe im too kind and nice, and dun get angry or hostile towards them tat they dare to do tat... sometimes they even come in groups and all pull me about... i feel really helpless... other times, they sit on me when im sitting or lying down, or tickle me stimutaneously... somebody even tickle me when im lying down, and pushed me into a corner of the room and continus attacking... that one is the best lahz... i so useless dun dare to touch them... so from this camp, i wanna take away with me some balls and guts... haha...

2005-05-29T22:04:00.000+08:00

today went out lahz... what should i say? wenta several places... first wenta raffles
shopping centre to have lunch at coffee bean... then wenta airport and walked around... had
chocolates and had lots of fun... at least its not boring like at home... after that wenta
ps for arcade, then walked around at heren, and finally wenta bp plaza, wanting to bowl...
but we didnt, had swenson instead...

tats for today... the minor things... the things
tat calls for reflections and remembrance are 1: my family sucks; and 2: im gonna earn some
easy money... 2 first... today my coach rang me up and asked if i wanna help out at a camp
to look after kids... its a 3 days camp and i will be paid 150 bucks... isnt it good? yeah,
so at this last min i am so busy, packing my stuff and getting ready... tml i'll be going
and be back only on wed... being out of the care and shelter of a family, we have to learn
to take care of ourselves... so to all my fren who are or will be out of town, take great
care...

okay now... my family terribly sucks... my mom juz dun understand me... she
tinks the ppl i hang out with are bad ppl who defies their parents and hang out till late at
night... but its so not true lahz... she tinks im being corrupted, which is also so not
true... truth is, im a loner in school, so i hang out with frenz from other sch... izzit so
much of a problem? do i have to tell u everyone i know out of school? i have no place among
the frenz in sch, so i turn to squash and other frenz, but she only cares abt my studies,
she said everything else second, studies first... im pressured and depress... when i go out
with my friends today, she ring me up so many times lahz... i didnt want to ans her calls
but answered anyway... she just nagged and demanded me home lorz... she totally dun
understand me... im saddened... now she wants me to give her the contacts of everyone i go
out with for she says its needed in a case of an emergency... but what is my hp for then?
and is my life tat sway tat when i go out sth wrong is bound to happen? i juz dun get it...
sucks, my life sucks... the agony is tearing me apart, amplified by the trouble cause by the
com... irritating lahz... im in pain... juz wish everyone else has a happy life and a happy
family, coz mine is a broken one...

btw, today as i was going home, i was humming 'she will be love' by maroon 5... then when i tuned in to perfect 10 that moment, it was playing too! maybe my life belong to the world...

2005-05-26T00:25:00.000+08:00

this month of may hasnt been a good one... everything sux... shallnt talk abt them, but juz hope things will improve, esp in squash and my family... also my friends and my com lahz... so today i was quite furious with my com and mom... so i gave up and decided to slp... but wats this? this isnt life... and i decided to catch a movie... so i went down to lot 1 and watched star wars, alone... kinda sad though, but at least had some peace and popcorn as dinner... pathetic me... but who cares anyway... after the movie was alr 12... so had to take lrt home... no bus...

the movie was nice... really didnt disappoint me... action was great and it made me happier too... too bad i watched it alone lahz... well, if only movies can resolve all my frustrations... but unfortunately, im not tat loaded with money- i dun get ppl to get other sch's exam papers for my own purpose and desire, probably for a source of income who knows? yeah... shallnt pursue tat matter and forget it... cant stand tat bastard lahz...

btw, i hadnt been able to load my own blog lately... so i dunno who tagged! haiz... so irritating lahz my internet... maybe ppl who had dropped by can kindly juz msg me lorz... :) hm, juz dun prank me yeah?

2005-05-22T01:04:00.000+08:00

darn... man u lost in FA cup final... to stupid ARSEnal... haiz... referee really ka-u lorz... deny ferdinand's goal, ronaldo's cross not out say out, etc... many occasion of ka-u-ism... so sad... funny thing is, shhhh, its a secret, i cried! haha... but tats before the match lahz... when i was locked in the room... darn door somehow managed to get jammed... screw it... and i did some crazy things in the room, like messenging someone, whom if i rem correctly had scolded me b4, but she was only an aquiantance and she dunno me, so i irritated her... im gonna apologise now, becoz i've gotten over the moodiness... tats all... stupid arsenal...

2005-05-21T20:06:00.000+08:00

bad bad bad... my exams are horrible... in short, 57%, 1 fail(should have been 3 if they had not moderated it), and a L1R5 of 26! toot lahz... nvm... haven been really squashing lately... all the training in sch very lifeless and lack of concentration, like im somewhere else... need to put more effort in... well, now that exams are over, although its badly done, i have to move on... firstly i wanna watch STAR WARS EPISODE III... anyone interested in watching with me? i'm dying of boredom lahz... feeling ditched... terribly miserable...

2005-05-15T21:14:00.000+08:00

today wenta cut hair... its super short now... at least no more problem with teachers... but i dun like it alr... like long hair... nicer though hot lahz... haha... now, not say very ugly, at least can spike it lorz... but no matter wad we try to do to ourself on the outside, we are still the same...

2005-05-15T17:25:00.000+08:00

boo... crapped up... i feel shitty... had been conspitated lately... haha, kiddin... i feel terrible... firstly, friday was cross country... and i was a competitor lahz- tat means im one of the 96 in the lvl running for the top 20 for a medal... however, quite pathetic i was... i got 21st! yeah, twenty-first... i told myself if i were to run all out, i ought to win something, else i juz slack and walked lahz, but who would believe i got 21... poofs... nth more to say abt tat... now my leg aches like crazy... cant straighten then lorz... whole day either lying down or sitting, getting fat too! i needa squash, losing touch alot... tats all i tink... tc guys...

2005-05-09T18:39:00.000+08:00

nth much to post about, but nth much to do too, so i shall juz blog... heard our school's sec 3 did very badly for maths and physics in the common test, dunno if its true or backless, but i kinda wish it was true... so that when i fail coz i didnt study i can say its difficult... haha... kiddin lahz... juz tat usually i do better for tougher papers, so i wish i can be some where outsanding lorz... also supposed to take 2.4 today, but all the pe teacher not around, so we got away... its great! i can build up my fitness so that my 2.4 can be an A! yes! oh, im gonna be so on in squash, gonna play soccer with classmates more, and gonna play bbal more too... all for an A... i really wanna get that A... i think im really unfit now, even when i run i can feel the fats around my waist bouncing? yea, so much for so hard i trained... one big fat tummy again... so i shall hence dedicate myself to be dedicated to working out... :) guess thats all... tc guys...

2005-04-30T13:41:00.000+08:00

why am i pissed? actually, i feel good. it's all about you baby. you, mrs d.j.i don't know how to handle you, guess i couldn't anyway. you're like a splinter stuck beneath my skin, irritating and won't go away. you think by being above me, being my superior, being able to instruct me, you are something? well let me tell you this, you cant lay a finger on me. you are useless and pathetic.
all you do is to command the team, cheer them on, give "advice"? but your advice totally irrelavent, out of point. and you rejoice as the c div are reigning champions, but more than that you boast about it. you don't really care about our well being, just your fame and status the the school. to the point now, first you lectured me between my match. i bet you never ever had a chance to take part in such competitions before, and you are completely ignorant. point is, you can put into me that i should hear u out. you just waste my energy, my momentem, demoralise me. the team mates can give better support than you, much better. but when i win my match, no congratulations, no consolations. what for play for you? what for win? that aside, you even give me a speech on my mistakes and stuff, what do you tink i am? i'm the player, i know what i'm doing, and you don't have to tell me. in my opinion, you shouldn't even be present, or if you are, shut your gaping holes out okay? its filthy, starting to grow roots!
next thing, i don't want to mention about getting scolded for just playing squash, because it's my fault. but explain this, what am i when you ask me at kallang to run errands for you, to get the bus and round up everyone in the courts? what am i? am i not one little tiny winnie boy just like the rest who have the right to play? do you know know that a child has the right of say and to play? guess you probably ignorant of that too, or perhaps you are too full of your dominations, you simply put yourself too big. big indeed, you everywhere is big. a big lump of dumb obstructing the space.
third thing, at leas unlike other teacher you don't try to be horny. but you try so hard to be striking, outstanding, to the extend of acting cute. please, look into the mirror, you look like an idiot. i can't stand you, well, you probably cant stand me either. but that's not the point, because, do i care? as i said you can't do anything to me.
forth, i must comment that i seriously have attitude problem and you don't. when you asked me to gather the team at kallang and i didn't, i even slapped your chest. when you are running in a race, i insulted you and told you to open your eyes while running. when you tucked out your uniform, i order you to tuck in, and when you don't, you could follow me to the hol office. i am so unreasonable. and when you said you shall change to pe shirt so that you wouldnt have to tuck in, i shot at you again for attempting to outtalk me. "for trying to talk back, okay lah, see me at the office now". oh, and how wonderfully you obeyed me instructions and tucked your shirt in neatly, that i got the upper hand and gang up with the other guys to say "ha, screwed you!". i love it that i am awfully mean, unreasonable, and has the worst attitude than anyone on this earth, some say the universe.
come prize presentation, went to kallang and didn't want to quarrel with you. but you picked it up. when we collected our prize, you wanted to take photos of us. thats not wrong, but you didn't notify us before hand did you? some people just aren't used to taking photos at such formal occasion, so how can you blamed them for being unprepared? i wasn't ready and looking away, then you blew it, call off the shoot and got us to go back to sitting. you didn't say anything then, i also did not know what wrong i done. but after that, b and c div took photo together. wow, absolutely commendable. for the first time in our history our teacher took a picture with us during our prize presentation, all again for what? -fame and name. i say you are a total goner. took 2 shots and you weren't satisified, so we were patient as we were all in high spirits. but this time you decided to take the picture yourself. "move to your left, your right..." how picky can u get? after that i was pulling a long face and looked can't be bothered in front of the camera, and you went, "give a bright smile! and look straight!" wow, you sure call the shots. so i looked up and smile, all sarcasticly. the people there who saw my expression would definitely laugh. and i was yelled at. "could you hurry up?! you have wasted everyone's time, including just now when we wanted to take a photo and you wasted so much time so we didn't take it." what can i say? i just stared. who in the blue world knows you wanted to take a photo in the beginning? and linking the 2 incidents together you bangged me. i was of course speechless, amusedly, so i just took a dumb picture and i don't think i look good in it but doesn't matter. shall dedicate the song "we are to blame" to you, so that i can acknowledge my mistake everytime and before you start to nag. because you are too right, you deserved this song. all the wrong doings are carried out by us, and u know it seemingly before hand. after that you asked the team to deal with me, for delaying, themselves. oh, great isn't it? but i just left without a bye bye- not worth my time and explanation.
conclusion, you sucked. if i do not love myself to do myself a right, then how would we as humans love other people and do right to them? thankfully it is the end of the season, in which my friend took for as the periods females have. guess it could be similar in my case, a period of moodiness and depression. thankfully i would have to see less of you. in any case, i must include that i won't be alarmed to see this post on published on school's site. even if you do get a chance to read. -this is what i put to you, you can't do a thing to me.

2005-04-30T13:35:00.000+08:00

this is supposed to be 29/4 post... but internet down because mom did not pay the bills so i just wrote the post first. strange things happen today. in brief lahz, coz im lazy to say everything. i actually embrace a guy today when i met him at kallang. dunno why i feel so close to him. haha. then someone told me i'll tink of her every friday evening and msg her. and i went to pool today and beat my cousin who is i tink in ns now. he still has 5 balls left when i finsihed. haha. and today took taxi to kallang. was running late and the stupid traffic jam. so i told the driver and he was really kind and nice lahz. he tried to squeeze through the cars, saying farkoff farkoff farkoff... haha. cool yea, we love u taxi man. finally, i tink i saw rx today at kallang. but alot of sc gals there. so i didnt say anything. else i would have say to her, 'hey, tell me rx is dead!' haha. but i didnt lah, didnt have the chance to. but maybe u know me alr? im the one whose shorts has a big hole! haha. tats all. take care dudes... miss you kukuest mei!

2005-04-16T13:13:00.000+08:00

heyy... yesterday we played SP... my match was like err, (dunno how to say lahz). was kinda a joke... maybe someone can tell me how i fare in court... ya... we lost to RI on tuesday, guess we're settling for forth lorz... sad... gotta work harder next year... nth to blog alr... cya...